What do You Mean My Child is not Sick?

What is it with parents who get mad at me when I tell them their kids are well? Now "well'' is a relative term and I don't doubt that junior had a runny nose or a temp of 99.8 which of course for him is really high as his normal temperature is 97, and that he even may have vomited once or been in the woods two days ago where the neighbor found a huge swarm of ticks or brown recluse spiders or fungus or spores or molds or some kind of funny smelling goo, but he's not ED sick. I can always tell when this news will be met with incredulity and I always try to ''hang the crepe'' before my diagnosis... "Well Ma'am, GOOD NEWS! Junior appears to be just fine... He probably has a viral illness which should pass in a few days... Be sure to follow up with his doctor should you have any further concerns."

"What? You aren't going to do anything for him?!?"

"Like what?"

"Like give him some antibiotics!"

"Ma'am I don't find anything to treat with antibiotics and they will probably do nothing but give him diarrhea."

Mutter, mumble, snarl.

One of these days I may have to try this...

"Ma'am, you were right, your child is deathly ill with African Sleeping Sickness and the Grippe which he no doubt contracted from wearing wet clothes in a drafty room, or perhaps from a curse... Do you have any enemies who know Voodoo? He will need to be leeched and flagellated until we he can't walk, only then will he be well."