Monday, March 26, 2007

No Mo Hatin'

Well, there was some gnashing of teeth and busting of ideological bubbles with the last post, so here it goes. I now love all patients. Yes I said it . But with the weekend over I've had time to reflect. I have to look to the future. There is much to be learned from each and every one of them.

From the mother of the healthy child with a runny nose-How to continuously take my nurses' attention away from the MI in bed 8 to ask "How much longer?"

From the drunk in bed 3- How to make the already anxious little girl with a laceration cry by constantly yelling "f**k you mother f**ker".

From the family of the gentleman with psychosomatiform illness- How to berate the doctors and nurses for not being able to do "nuthin" for him, despite his being seen by 5 specialists in the past year.

From the family of the elderly man who has been sick for 3 years- How to look incredulous at the doctor and belittle the hospital staff that they can't solve his medical malady at 3:00 a.m.

Seriously though, I don't hate any patients. Life is too short. And I know that one day as I get old or infirm or sick, I or my family will be able to use these techniques, which, in the past, were inexcusable, have now become accepted and tolerated, and I am sure the way things are going, in the future will be encouraged. So I got that going for me.

6 comments:

  1. Tell it like it is, my friend. I have decided to love everyone as well: it's very easy when your 'patient' is a segment of transverse colon.

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  2. me too. i love everybody. but, schrodinger's cat, please don't come to my ED as a patient. i might have to give you 100 units of sub-q insulin to the fleshy part of the heel. hey path guy, could you pick that up on autopsy?

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  3. I would overlook the heel stick for a blowj*b.

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  4. uh, never mind. i think those services can be obtained for about $20 at your neighborhood crack-house.

    just a question though, theoretically speaking of course, if i did this service for you would it make me gay?

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  5. If by 'gay', you mean 'happy', then yes.

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  6. Baby, ya just gotta walk into the ER at the beginning of your shift and say: "Ahh, I love the smell of betadine in the morning"---and all will be well...

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