Friday, March 14, 2008

Hey NPR and Dr. Deborah Peel, I Have This Patient...

I just had to share this patient story with all of you. A patient of mine, John A. Smith, date of birth 1/1/1931, medical record number 123456789 of 123 Main Street here in my hometown, came in the other day for follow-up of his multiple medical problems. See, he has type 2 diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea. He is obese, also. By the way, he takes metformin and glyburide for his diabetes and his hemoglobin A1c is 7.3%. I realize this may not be important for my story, but thought I would include the information. So, as we're talking about his hypertension, for which he takes atenolol and lisinopril and occasionally gets a bit dizzy (again, probably not relevant to my story, but trying to be complete), he mentions another problem that he is having. With an impish grin, he says, "Uh, Doc, I'm not sure how to say this, but, uh, the ole' horse ain't leaving the barn like it used to...if you know what I mean. I mean to say, uh, that my rocket ain't firing like it used to. You know what I'm sayin', Doc?" So, of course, I prescribed Viagra for him. Here's to hoping that my patient, John A. Smith, and his lovely wife, Eleanor Marie, have incredible, 75-year old, hot, steamy, raw, animal-like sex tonight at 123 Main Street. I'll sure be rooting for them! Did I include too much info?

By the way, Doctor Debbie has her own.....BLOG! Fucking amazing. Pay her a visit!!


  1. Rock on, LZ!! I know you were trying to protect my identity so the "HIPSTOPPO" can't find me and decide I no longer qualify for my Viagra, but that's OK.
    I plan to take a minicam into my next shift tomorrow and film my entire shift and post it online to vent..Wait, that's a Saturday and the government doesn't work on those days, just healthcare professionals and other people qith real jobs! Oh well, maybe I'll just film some of wife and I going at it on that Viagra.. OF

  2. lofty, you write like old people fuck, slow and sloppy. just kidding! (smiley face).

    the funny thing is, i know this patient of yours. i think he had one of those urologic procedures to lengthen his johnson, the tendon release thingy, i think it was done by dr richard hertz, urologist, maple street in columbia... doc hertz told me that john smith has the smallest penis he's ever seen.

    i think also that i know eleanor marie, she had a boob-job from dr speedy plastique in columbia too... bad deal for her, now she has non matching droopers. that's why she only wears very heavy sweaters.

    hate to put all this stuff up about them and all, but since their arrest for prescription fraud everyone knows who they are so what the fuck? i mean, what's the worst that could happen?

    oldfart, with all due respect, don't show me the video.

  3. Still life in the old dog yet. Good luck to you

  4. There is an old Russian saying regarding women like Dr. Peel... the translation is to hard for me so I'll just say, "Woof! Woof!"

    эта женщина настолько отвратительным, что если бы она была моей собакой я бы бритья ее ягодицы, и только позволяют ей ambulate в обратном моды

  5. i think we should forward mr smith's medical information to all private insurance providers and the medicare and medicaid folks... it sounds like he would be a huge risk for them and they should pull his coverage. on my end, we collect more from 'self pay' patients than medicare/medicaid so it will be good for me too.

  6. Oh, John Smith? That guy came in on 3/14/08 at 2:14 pm and was admitted at 4:42 pm after presenting with chest pain and getting a nitro which interacted with his undisclosed "secret" Viagra and dropped his pressure. Oopsie.

    When I went to examine his surgical site located on his 4.25 inch flaccid penis, there was a foul-smelling frothy green discharge and it turns out he had gonorrhea! Can you believe it! I mean, I guess not only governors have hookers on the side!

    Poor John!

    I also took it upon myself to write up a letter so John's boss and fellow employees could be kept up-to-date on his status. I recommended it be posted in the lobby of the 50-story skyscraper he works at and in the employee break room as well. I know how concerned people can get!

  7. PS: I recommend everyone here cut and paste the Russian above into Google Translator.

    Well worth it.


  8. Hey that GC is no laughing matter, and its like in combat, its the bullet you don't hear that gets you.

  9. Aw, man...did you have to name names? Now I can't stop thinking about dear old Mom and Dad and what they do when we're not watching!

  10. Nurse K and MDOD,

    I understand your dedication to your job, but was it really necessary to publish a joint pamphlet about John Smith and his medical problems and have it plastered in every pharmacy of the country, with a big bold title that reads: "Don't be like this man." ?
    John's picture is on there, as well as all his personal information, and the more I think about it, the more I think this is really a cool public service to motivate people to take care of themselves.

    Thank you.
    (You should do this more often, whith different cases).
    And, oh, next time, could you please use a color picture of your patient? B&W is kind of gloomy.

  11. Totally unrelated, but someone just sent me this, and I thought I'd share:

  12. Dear Amy and all FEMALE readers of MDOD..

    While I am closer in age to 75 than 25, my shoe size is 14.5, my forearm is 22" long and I have a
    40" sleeve length.

    Just thought you'd like to know..You know what they say..
    Certain body part sizes are directly propotional(not INVERSELY) to those other parts sizes..

    Dream on girls!! Toodles, OF

  13. marie said,

    I suppose she wouldn't like this site

    and the linked site IS quite impressive, though, since its content is XXX we will let you look it up on google if it's there... it's called medical tracer.

  14. I visited Dr. Peel's site. I think she needs therapy since she feels the need to write on a blog in order to express her opinion about her "professional" life.

    DrX had the best response. I love the link he left her!