Monday, December 11, 2006

The Obligatory ED "Rectal Foreign Body" Post

Okay. Yes, we sometimes see patients who have put things up their butt and can not get them out. Here's a little bit I wrote about a recent patient.

I noted the other night at work that shaving cream can be dangerous. It seems that American manufacturers have neglected to put a safety warning label on the cans. As you can see from this Xray, some of the lower priced brands can acutely migrate up one's ass (necessitating removal in the operating room). We are not sure if this was mentholated cream or not, nor are we sure if it was the 'gel' or simply the foam. I will at this point avoid such obvious puns as, "Wow, that was a close shave!", and "Looks like he got to us just in the nick of time", or "It seems this gentleman was a little behind in his personal hygiene". This is not a can lying on someone's belly, it is well and fully disappeared behind the external anal sphincter. As you will also note, the plastic top to this can is on the business end, making removal even more difficult. In fact, the surgeon had to pull the little rubber stopper out of the bottom of this can in order to insert a gripping instrument to pull the can out. There was, in fact, a shaving cream fountain in the OR coming out of this guy's ass. The final lesson for everyone? If you are homeless and drink a lot, do not hang out with other homeless drinkers who are, strangely, giving you their alcohol while snickering and trying to hide a can of shaving cream from your view.


  1. The Quadruple Orgasm – Or You Learn Something New Every Day!
    An olive serving holder in the anus!
    Yes, you heard it…. This guy who had previously cut his penis off with a machete while cutting brush. Sure! He had since discovered a way that he could satisfy himself and his wife.
    This very ingenious fellow had discovered that if he placed an olive server in his anus while he had sex with his wife then when he had an orgasm and his wife had an orgasm that his rectum would also have an orgasm, thus, a triple orgasm. How did I learn about this? My fresh faced first year EM Resident told me so. I asked the resident why he was telling me this as I really don’t care about the three letter word ‘WHY’. As a matter of fact I never care about ‘WHY’. Hell, even when I tell people that I don’t care about why they still insist on telling me. I guess they just don’t take me seriously. I digress!
    Well, when this guy had his triple orgasm his anus sucked the olive holder into his rectal vault! Oh, crap! That is ‘WHY’ he came to the ER.
    Armed with this knowledge I marched into the room. There the guy was with his wife. The T___ rhymes with bird wanted to shake my hand. No, I did not give it up. The guy was more interested in telling me ‘WHY’ than in how to resolve the problem! Good grief.
    Finally, I couldn’t take any more. I made a suggestion that the next time he try for the triple orgasm that he should sniff a little pepper and then when he sneezed he could say that he had a quadruple orgasm and then he could blow the little olive holder out his A__.
    The sad part is that I think he believed me! The resident could not contain himself. He laughed so hard that I had to change his pampers.
    Oh well! It keeps me coming back. No pun intended.

  2. what the hell is an olive holder and where can i get one?


    Good Luck!