Thursday, April 12, 2007


Just a quick post for my coffeehouse fans:

I just love it when some tech or nurse comes up to me, oh, at 3:00 a.m. in the middle of a hellish shift and says "look at the bright side, you only have 4 more hours". This is the equivalent to saying to someone "look at the bright side, I am only going to stick you with this HOT POKER for four more hours". I don't think that person would say "great!, I thought you were going to poke me for 5 hours".

A Haiku:

Only four hours left
Oh great, another jerk-off
Night shift, hot poker


ETOTHEIPI, could you send me one of your severed feet. The next time I kidnap someone I could use use to up the ante and show the family I mean business.


  1. I would bet it's like when I am doing a triathlon, and people shout out unhelpful things like "only 5 more miles to run" which makes me want to put tape over their mouth or something because 5 miles left are a lot of miles left after all the swimming and the biking. Except at least for me, when I am done, I can choose when to do another triathlon, and don't have to do them day after day.

    Bright side for you: I suspect if you kidnap people and threaten the family with a severed foot, you will eventually be caught, thus ending your long hellish shifts.

  2. Yes! Another Tri fan! Actually, my favorite spectator comment ever was at mile 22 of a marathon. I had poorly trained and was suffering from not only full-body muscle seizures, but also bleeding nipples (never forgot the band-aids after that one). As I slowly dropped back in the pack, one of my friends, who was 'helping' me from a mtn. bike saw my agony and started chanting loudly over and over: "Nobody loves a loser!". Sweet.

    911doc: Foot in mail. Will advise.

  3. sorry, gotta jump in on the haikus (haiki?)

    Amputated foot
    Will you fit up my rectum
    I might as well try

    OK, this is stolen from the master himself (S's. Cat). Please grace us, sir, with your poetic genius.

  4. Just to clarify the jerk off in the poem is not a nurse or tech, it is the patient. And I don't do triathalons, but I did bowl for 3 1/2 hours 2 nights ago. I did not think I was going to make it, but with the encouragement of friends, I DID. Thanks to my Hammer Raw Toxic ball.

  5. SC. missed that the "Ode" was you.
    You've still got it.
    I hope you were wearing a wrist guard...

  6. some shifts there is just no "bright side", especially if you have to deliver the "granny/daddy/mommy/son/daughter died" news.

    the "bright side" people are the same ones who say the following...

    "are we having fun yet?", and,
    "looks like you've got a case of the mondays!"

    but Cat, i wonder how long you have to bowl to burn 100 calories? since i imagine you were consuming adult malted beverages at the time i would guess that it's a deleterious activity, but one that is, no doubt, very good for the soul.

    a haiku:

    the bowling alley,
    carnival of beer bellies,
    thongs and adipose.


  7. WOW. You summed it up 911. Seriously though, I love bowling. Mack has started bowling too. Don't take it up. It is as addictive as crack (at least that is what they say).

  8. That was funny!

    Perhaps you could wear the foot around your neck on a chain?

  9. It's about time you got that ball drilled but 3 1/2 hours? I don't even bowl that much and I was genetically engineered for it... and you know what I'm sayin' brother-in-law. Did the soreness in your arm make you feel young and single again?

  10. How much of that 3 1/2 hrs. of bowling was actually sittin' around chuggin' beer and nachos and BS'in around? At least that's what I do on bowling nights.

  11. I was wondering if I could get a foot also? I'd like to use it on the next person who pisses me off so, I can nonchalantly state

    "This is what's left of the last person who.... (you fill in the blank).

    I think it's work wonders, I'll take peace over money any day.