Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Crippled Child Slips on Bannana Peel, Hilarity Ensues

ETOTHEIPI's hilarious story about an 800 pound cadaver reminded me of something I saw back in the late 70s in what passed for an Emergency Department in the CCCP.

I was 'working' there one day when a young boy with crutches (from a childhood bout of polio) hobbled back to a treatment area with some bullshit illness. I mean you could just look at him and tell he was full of shit. One of the previous patients had left a banana peel on the floor, which is very strange, as bananas were as rare as toilet paper in the Motherland at that time, but there it was, and there he went. Wham! Blood everywhere. What a mess, the little asswipe.

Nothing a few stitches and a cast didn't fix but I could barely keep a straight face trying to take care of him. His parents were Uzbeks, the worst kind, and both had congenital supra-tentorial ano-cranial inversion, so it's not surprising their little urchin had many problems. That's what inbreeding of inferior races will do. I don't think any of them had bathed in months, and their sob stories about lack of food and money were all lies and we told them so.

As the child was trying to leave on his crutches, a drunk man stumbled into him and grabbed the little boy's hair and pulled him to the ground. Boy was that funny! It was lucky the drunk man was not hurt, but the child broke his fall.

The parents were distraught but we told them to HTFU, and that their kid's problems were all their fault. You should have seen their faces! We had them booted from the hospital by the police and we never saw them again. It still makes me laugh. I think they got sent to a gulag.

Ah, the good old days!

это будет шутка вы идиоты

27 comments:

  1. Writing in Russian is hot. I can understand some when it is spoken, but have no clue what the letters mean. I had to email my dad and ask him what it said. Nice touch.

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  2. Translating Anonymous5:26 PM, January 08, 2008

    This story does not make much sense and I think the commentary in Russian confirms it. ;-)

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  3. Will you please stop trying to turn me on? My heart belongs to etotheipi.

    Kegelingly yours, Shari Ann

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. вы господин, будете гением

    Вы должны вывесить больше.

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  6. Good job, Em!

    I sure loves you doctor x. Let's have some blini together. OR maybe some vodka and caviar.

    you can drink it out of my navel.

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  7. Ahh, Dr. X. The secret is out. I guess I can’t keep you all to myself anymore. Oh well, we will always have that night. Вы были пышны в вашем scrubs.

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  8. hahaha the "ano-cranial inversion"...nice.

    the translators online give me "It will be a joke you idiots"...but i think i get the point lol

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  9. Некультурный крестьянин

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  10. Fucking classic. My vote for post of the year.

    I'm LOL. And I HATE people who write "LOL", proving how much I am LOL.

    Russians have such a sublime sense of humor.

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  11. Do you still practice medicine? I feel sorry for you, and even more so for your patients. You should have chosen a career where your anti-humanist values would be more accurately matched. Prison guard perhaps.

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  12. I was wondering how long it would take for some "AnonIdiot" to poke it's head out and reveal, yet again, that they have no sense of humor!! Or even the ability to recognize a tongue-in-cheek post!
    #12 is the winner!!
    HTFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  13. Then the first guy says "I can't hear you, I've got a banana in my ear"

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  14. Anonymous at 9:53 a.m.

    You have a lot of nerve. I’m a prisoner and my old man is a prison guard. You have offended us both by your insensitive comment. I’m paying my debt to society for insurance fraud and my old man is making sure that I get everything I need during my stay here. We are as good and decent as you are. As soon as I get out, and if gay marriage is legal by then, we’re going to be married. Why do you have to be so mean?

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  15. This is comedy:
    http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_got_what_america_needs_right

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  16. DRX, you just turn all the girls heads don't you? And all the men laugh at your jokes! What is it about you Godless Commies, anyway?

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  17. etotheipi,

    I did not know your nom-de-plume was Jimmy Carter. :D

    Amy

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  18. Фидель дорогой,
    твоя мать была хомячка и Ваш отец корюшка в elderberries.

    Дорогие анонимные,
    Вы не можете исправить глупо.

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  19. If self righteous "anonymous" actually took this seriously enough to complain, I have my doubts as to whether they'd pass a mini-mental... Seriously. Thats all I have to say. By the way, great great posts.

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  20. I find this post a low point in M.D.O.D. and was sorry to read it.
    even though it is a known fact for anyone who has lived in Russia for some significant time to know Russians generally have a hate-hate relationship with the Uzbecks, I still find it degrading for the M.D.O.D. blog to have such a racist comment in it. even though its written as an offhand.

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  21. to the last anonymous poster on this thread. you are now officially in our prayers. you might want to try going here and plugging in the russian phrase at the end of the post and have it translated to english for you. good day!

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  22. How can you try to play the racial card in the same comment thread that has Monty Python translated into Russian?

    *sigh*

    I hate anonymi.

    PS: I'm sure you will find it hard to believe, but "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG" doesn't translate to Russian.

    "Я пердеть в вашем общем направлении", however, does.

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  23. Nice blog. I will keep reading. Please take the time to visit my blog about Guitar Lesson

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  24. You people are so funny!

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