Thursday, April 12, 2007

Ode

Just a quick post for my coffeehouse fans:

I just love it when some tech or nurse comes up to me, oh, at 3:00 a.m. in the middle of a hellish shift and says "look at the bright side, you only have 4 more hours". This is the equivalent to saying to someone "look at the bright side, I am only going to stick you with this HOT POKER for four more hours". I don't think that person would say "great!, I thought you were going to poke me for 5 hours".

A Haiku:

Only four hours left
Oh great, another jerk-off
Night shift, hot poker

P.S.

ETOTHEIPI, could you send me one of your severed feet. The next time I kidnap someone I could use use to up the ante and show the family I mean business.

11 comments:

  1. I would bet it's like when I am doing a triathlon, and people shout out unhelpful things like "only 5 more miles to run" which makes me want to put tape over their mouth or something because 5 miles left are a lot of miles left after all the swimming and the biking. Except at least for me, when I am done, I can choose when to do another triathlon, and don't have to do them day after day.

    Bright side for you: I suspect if you kidnap people and threaten the family with a severed foot, you will eventually be caught, thus ending your long hellish shifts.

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  2. Yes! Another Tri fan! Actually, my favorite spectator comment ever was at mile 22 of a marathon. I had poorly trained and was suffering from not only full-body muscle seizures, but also bleeding nipples (never forgot the band-aids after that one). As I slowly dropped back in the pack, one of my friends, who was 'helping' me from a mtn. bike saw my agony and started chanting loudly over and over: "Nobody loves a loser!". Sweet.

    911doc: Foot in mail. Will advise.

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  3. sorry, gotta jump in on the haikus (haiki?)

    Amputated foot
    Will you fit up my rectum
    I might as well try

    OK, this is stolen from the master himself (S's. Cat). Please grace us, sir, with your poetic genius.

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  4. Just to clarify the jerk off in the poem is not a nurse or tech, it is the patient. And I don't do triathalons, but I did bowl for 3 1/2 hours 2 nights ago. I did not think I was going to make it, but with the encouragement of friends, I DID. Thanks to my Hammer Raw Toxic ball.

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  5. SC. missed that the "Ode" was you.
    You've still got it.
    I hope you were wearing a wrist guard...

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  6. some shifts there is just no "bright side", especially if you have to deliver the "granny/daddy/mommy/son/daughter died" news.

    the "bright side" people are the same ones who say the following...

    "are we having fun yet?", and,
    "looks like you've got a case of the mondays!"

    but Cat, i wonder how long you have to bowl to burn 100 calories? since i imagine you were consuming adult malted beverages at the time i would guess that it's a deleterious activity, but one that is, no doubt, very good for the soul.

    a haiku:

    the bowling alley,
    carnival of beer bellies,
    thongs and adipose.

    cheers

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  7. WOW. You summed it up 911. Seriously though, I love bowling. Mack has started bowling too. Don't take it up. It is as addictive as crack (at least that is what they say).

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  8. That was funny!

    Perhaps you could wear the foot around your neck on a chain?

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  9. It's about time you got that ball drilled but 3 1/2 hours? I don't even bowl that much and I was genetically engineered for it... and you know what I'm sayin' brother-in-law. Did the soreness in your arm make you feel young and single again?

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  10. How much of that 3 1/2 hrs. of bowling was actually sittin' around chuggin' beer and nachos and BS'in around? At least that's what I do on bowling nights.

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  11. I was wondering if I could get a foot also? I'd like to use it on the next person who pisses me off so, I can nonchalantly state

    "This is what's left of the last person who.... (you fill in the blank).

    I think it's work wonders, I'll take peace over money any day.

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