Sunday, May 20, 2007

Secret location

To whom it may concern

I will be gone next week to a secret location in the Nevada desert for further medical training. As I understand it there is no electricity there and therefore no computers. I have heard tales of gambling and debauchery, but I am sure these are just tall tales. I expect to learn a lot from the curriculum, which is as follows:

1. How to say no to narcotic refills without losing a friend.

2. How to avoid loud obnoxious family members, AND increase your press-ganey scores.

3. How to hypnotize parents into believing their child does only have a virus and not the black plague.

4. Tear away scrubs: good or bad for morale?

5. The 500 lb. pelvic exam: A new approach. (really looking forward to this one)

6. Emergency care under an unfunded federal mandate: what we do every day and why it's only going to get worse.

7. Selective hearing, jedi mind tricks, soul blocker spray, and other means to avoid a deep depression and homicidal thoughts after your shifts.

As you can see, this will be very educational and I should return a better doc and stronger person.

The Cat


  1. Skip the lectures, go find a pool with a swim up bar and relax.

    Or try Mandalay Bay's Lazy River.

  2. If you happen to run into my boss this week (who happens to be there on vacation this week)please hoo-doo him into somehow believing he would be much happier were he not to ever return to his job.

    You'll recognize him by his know-it-all attitude.

    PS...if his mouth is open - he's lying.

  3. once again, 'cat, i must give you advice given me by the great yogi kudu regarding gambling.

    rule 1: double up to catch up
    rule 2: bet big to win big
    rule 3: see above.

    good luck. if you follow this advice you will either be able to retire or have to go to jail. either way you are set for life.

  4. post action report please.