Saturday, March 01, 2008

For Emergency Docs

I have a favor to ask of the ER Docs on this site.

Our hospital is finally firing our Contract Management Group. We're currently negotiating a contract with them and need some information. The hospital wants to make our compensation package competitive with any group in the country.

If you don't mind, could you email me some specifics about the compensation you're currently recieving so that we can present it to our hospital and make the best deal possible?

You can remain anonymous, but I need to know in what part of the country you're working.

Thank you in advance.

Email me at:


  1. Ask for a kajillion dollars. No, a bajillion. Then ask yourself, how much is your soul worth, because it is slowly being sucked out of you, and if MLB pitchers can make 1,000 to 2,000 per pitch, doesn't that give us a place to negotiate from since all we are doing is, oh, saving lives.


  2. I'm no ER doc, but whatever you're asking, it ain't enough.

  3. Harry the mathmatical IH12:45 PM, March 01, 2008

    Double it and add a zero, maybe two.

  4. Try these guys. They do salary surveys of all the medical specialties and post the results on their site.

  5. Don't ask anyone at my work---the docs haven't gotten a raise in 8 years!

  6. It just doesn't seem fair CAT. If I could hit a fast ball instead of resuscitating a child, I could make 20 times what I make. If I could play "pretend" really well like actors in Hollywood, I could make 50 times more!

    Thank everyone for the helpful feedback and comments.

  7. dear erdoc85,

    along the lines of money and what one might do to get some here's a question...

    would you suck a spick and span, palmolive-clean dick for ten million dollars?


  8. Well....I never thought about it before. My first thought was "hell no", but then I thought about it and figured that I could buy a lot of mouthwash for $10 million, so sure.

    Clean up, get the check ready, and I'll be over at 8. I will be drunk and will have taken 20 mg of Valium, so you may have to remind me why I'm there.

    I'll bring along some posters of Justin Timberlake just to set the mood, and I'll also have some spicy mustard to spread on your tower of love. I can pretend it's a hot dog.

  9. I hear Britney's pregnant again.

  10. ERdoc,
    how about for $10? You've admitted you're a cocksucker, now we just have to negotiate a price. Ha Ha, I fell for that joke when I was 12. My fantasy is a REAL doctor's union complete with 300 lb goons to break the legs of drug seekers and mid-level providers. Alas, physicians are too independent to get involved in anything with real power to change things. We could take a lesson from the airline pilots.

  11. damn you drackman!! i was sitting at my computer just waiting for erdoc85 to chomp on the lure and you were there. props amigo.

    my answer once someone admits they are a cocksucker is to ask for about 50 cents worth right now while grabbing the old package. i like your answer better.

    say, did you get the super secret email i sent back to you?

  12. hannah,
    rather than 'rehab' for brittney i can sew her knees together for free, of course i would have to sew her heels to her butt too, but that too, i would do for free. i'm here to serve.

  13. Don't know much bout compensation, but I can save everyone some scratch with this nugget.."The other Boelyn Girl" SUCKS!!!I dropped $35 taking the family to that abortion. Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johannson, midevil England, and absolutely NO girl on girl action. Will Ferrells movie was better.

  14. If I could hit a fast ball instead of resuscitating a child, I could make 20 times what I make.

    WHAT?? And deprive all those insurance company execs their vast fortunes? You are hereby ordered to clean your brain with Draino for conjuring up such seditious thoughts.

    Seriously, though, I'm no union gal, but I do wish docs could band together to shut out the insurance companies and take back medicine. My son is facing surgery on his collarbone on Monday, and I'm appalled at what the poor orthopaed is being paid.

  15. Dr. Val -
    when orthopods star getting squeezed like primary care you think they'll still do a good job setting bones?

    Isn't there a brewing union of docs somewhere?

    Agree with FD : DOCTORS - GO UNION!

  16. "would you suck a spick and span, palmolive-clean dick for ten million dollars?"

    Well 85 took the bait, because if one says no to that question, then that of course makes one a "dirty" dicksucker...


  17. Don't ask me. I've never made the right monetary decisions..I played in the old ABA for a couple years. Guess when I decided to go to med school?
    The fucking year of the MERGER with the NBA!!!
    As ever, altho older, OF...

  18. Spick and span or not, for $10 million and the chance not to have to work all night tonight I would do it on the desk of ESPN college game day with a smile on my face.

  19. i'll see if espn is interested. i think herbstreit might actually enjoy watching it so that part scares me, but this is sounding better and better .

  20. 911 stole my thought. I think Herbstreit would watch, or participate (sender or receiver) while having his hair highlighted as Fowler and Corso looked on. Desmond Morris might get in on the action. He's just a little guy. CAT, I do think that gameday is the proper venue.

  21. 911: why did you double cross me? I did what you asked, but no check. I assume it's in the mail. BTW, why did you pretend not to know me? You're 6 feet tall, black, wear FUBU clothes, Air Jordan sneekers, and have a big chain with a dollar sign on it right? I've got the license plate number of your Cadillac just in case you try to double cross me.

    P.S. lay off the broccoli dude.

  22. i can't believe the stream of consciousness that led me to trot out that old joke. hope your contract negotiation goes well my friend.

  23. Reminds me of the "Camping" joke...heres how it goes..You find the toughest macho alpha male.."What would you do if you went camping with your best friend, you're having a few beers around the campfire, and then the next thing you wake up in your sleeping bag, with your hands tied, gagged, and with an extremely sore asshole...theres some kind of dried sticky substance on the outside...Would you call the cops...? now no tough guy worth his weight is gonna say he'll call the when he answers, you say "WANTA GO CAMPING??" its hilarious

  24. I vote for no gender discrimination in your 10 million dollar offer.