Monday, August 18, 2008

Missing Paperwork Causes Paperwork Emergency!

Dear Readers,

The organization formerly known as the Joint Commission on the Accreditation of Hospital Organizations (hereafter referred to on MDOD as TOFKAJCAHO) was notable absent at the scene of this roll-over motor vehicle crash on a busy interstate. I, for one, am putting this out publicly because there are many pieces of paper that were not filled-out.

Briefly, six people were in this vehicle, pictured above, when the driver rolled it at high speed. One passenger was ejected and the fire department had to cut the driver out with some piece of machinery which I'm not sure had been recently inspected by OSHA.

Besides that, some off-duty military combat medics were first on the scene, along with bystanders with no medical training. They promptly secured the scene and by the time I got there had done all manner of life-saving interventions and all I had to do was tell the state trooper to call in the helicopters.

The end result was that two people who might have died without these good Samaritans are going to walk out of the hospital.

TOFKAJCAHO was never called. NEVER! I would appreciate it if any of you kind readers with an 'in' with TOFKAJCAHO could please bring this to their attention so that we may rectify this situation and punish those involved.

Editors Note: Since TOFKAJCAHO is currently operating as "the JC", I think that we need to bestow upon them a symbol, much as Prince did for some years. Suggestions now being accepted and will post the official TOFKAJCAHO symbol soon.


  1. So sorry...they were at our place chastising and demoting points because the medication refrigerator(with the bottles of insulin for the Q 30 second fingersticks)was not locked.
    I believe someone else was using the wrong shade of black ink in their charting.
    Sounds as though there were some folks in the right place at the right time in your neck of the woods. Good work. But, I'm sure according to TOFKAJCAHO, not done correctly. :>)

  2. ,,I,,

    my new symbol!
    does it look like the finger? i really tried.
    actually you will soon be hearing from ,,I,,
    apparently you didn't wash your hands for 15 seconds w/ that special weird soap before giving any verbal
    3 points.

  3. Anyone get the names of those Samaritans so they can be properly punished???

  4. I think their new symbol should be a anal sphincter print. Everyone will know immediately that it's the JC.

  5. WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! TOFKAJCAHO's symbol is an anal sphincter. Contest over.

  6. Gawd, seeing that butthole in the morning is just...wrong. Yay to Farty. Yay to all the good folks out on the highway. We don't need no steekin' forms.

  7. Only four and 1/2 months until January and OUR JC Survey. Can't wait...we'll be sure to point them in your direction. Damned Good Samaritans...I'll bet they even used unapproved abbreviations on their driver's license applications.

  8. why not use a sheep's anus?

    it's also an anal sphincter, but it has the dubious distinction of looking like a vagina too, so they can both be assholes and pussies too!

  9. uh, brian and jennifer,
    at this point you might want to explain to our readers how you know so much about sheep's anuses. just sayin'.... some folks might get the wrong idea.

  10. So can we take down the new symbol? It's grossing me out...

  11. dev,
    in deference to you and others that might click away at the sight of a real live anus i have stylized said picture and i do like the result. hope you approve.

  12. I have commonly refered to "TJC" as
    "TDJC" aka "The Douche Jockey Commission."

    As they ride in with their red bags and clip boards in hand, ready to take on common sense one hospital at a time.

  13. It looks like a fingerprint... not "anus-y" enough.

  14. Thanks for changing the symbol, the reality was a bit...much.

  15. Thanks 911: I have enough assholes to deal with at work.

  16. I agree, that was a bit much. However, now it looks like a fingerprint.
    How about using a box of Massengil, Summer's Eve or something similar? Your favorite insult.

  17. I'll make you a less fingerprinty one later tonight when I get some time if ya want. I'll just have to scour the internet, but I've got some ideas in photoshop that would work pretty well.

  18. Sorry e^ipi, I did not read your comments before I posted. You had already said it all.

  19. Thanks Amy. Can't wait to see your artwork! :-)

  20. the whole sheep anus thing..

    was working overnight the other night and one of my attendings was telling us about how her husband (who's a firefighter) and her went to the local fair over the past week.

    Her husband had bet the other firemen at his station that sheep's anuses looked like vaginas, and nobody believed him, so he went to the fair, snapped a bunch of pictures and posted them online.

    At 3AM on sunday, she broke out the photos and had all of us laughing our asses off (as we had a constipated lady make hideous moaning sounds while trying to have a bowel movement in the room across from the station).

    Hence, the knowledge .

  21. my artistic skills are lacking. i look forward to a stylized anus from any contributors. jpeg please.

  22. Hey Great News Old Fart.
    Yes they are at our hospital too as of this time. One can tell as staffing is more then perfect and the "staffing grid" is gone till after the visit and locked away at our hospital till the "JC" leaves. Yes you know they are coming when it does not feel right on the floor.


    PS You need to do the "TOP 10 Ways you know J.C. is coming to your Hospital"

  23. 911: