Top 5 MD Myths, Busted.

If you regularly read The New York Times or listen to NPR, you probably believe the following:

1. Doctors are rich.
The most common specialties – e.g. internal medicine, pediatrics – make, on average, after 5 years of practice, $170,000. “Not bad!”, you say. Now, remember, Mr. Wizard: you are 300,000$ in debt from med. school; you made sub-minimum wage for 4 years in residency; you made probably less than 100,000$ in your first five years of practice considering “partner buy-in” and being “junior” in your group; you likely employ 1-2 staff per physician (secretary, nurse etc.) on your dime; you are in the highest tax bracket, so ~50% of that 170k goes to federal, state, social security, medicare etc.; and worst of all, you are almost 40 years old when you start pulling a good paycheck.

Now, do you think doctors are “rich”? Well, if you still do, go fuck yourself... and film it for me.

2. Doctors are overpaid.
First, compare physician salaries (considering what I said above) with almost any other professional job (law, business etc.) and this is obviously untrue. Second, every doctor I know does, minimally, 10’s of thousands of dollars of charity work (free care) every year. This work is NOT tax deductible, making it a “double-whammy” financially (when I do free care I give up the opportunity to do something I am paid for).

Now, do you think doctors are “overpaid”? Well, if you still do, eat my ass, and don’t forget the reach-around.

3. Doctors play golf on Wednesday afternoons.
Joining a Country Club costs 50-100,000$ and has average annual fees of about 5-10,000$. Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t shit diamonds. And on top of that, I fucking WORK on Wednesdays so I can pay my fucking staff!

Now, do you think doctors “golf on Wednesdays”? Well, if you still do, gargle my ball-sack with a shot of peppermint Scope.

4. Doctors have a God-Complex.
Sure, a few doctors are douchebags and think they are the second-coming, but certainly no more than any other group in a position of authority. Docs are severely self-critical and are always trying to improve. Every single doc I know got into this field to “help people” and “do something that makes a real difference”. A telling quote I heard on the radio the other day by a physician was, “Do not practice medicine if you cannot handle being humbled every single day”. Doctors in general are very aware of their limitations, and if not, quickly end up being fired.

Now, Freud, do you think doctors “have a God-Complex”? Well, if you still do, you are welcome to play some Mozart on my Magic Skin-Zauberflöte.

5. Doctors have potty-mouths.

OK. This may be true.