Monday, November 10, 2008

Florida - Georgia And 'The Chomp'

NEPTUNE BEACH, Fla. -- The annual Florida-Georgia game is often the source of some heated arguments among college football fans, but for one Neptune Beach woman things went too far when, according to police, she attacked her husband.

Officers said Veronica Hairston, a Florida Gators fan, was arrested and charged with domestic battery for allegedly biting her husband.

According to police, on Saturday Hairston began taunting her husband at the Days Inn in Neptune Beach once she realized the Gators were beating the Bulldogs.

They said when her husband grabbed his bags and tried to leave the room, Hairston bit the man on his thigh.

A police report states that Hairston then punched her husband in the face several times with her fists before fleeing the area on foot.

Officers said the woman was found after a brief search.

Neptune Beach police said while they DON'T consider the incident to be unusual (huh?), they also don't usually deal with game-related incidents in their area.

"We don't have a large crowd come to Neptune Beach. They normally stay in town or go to sports bars around the stadium," said Neptune Beach Police Department Assistant Chief Tony Carillo.

Residents in the area said they were surprised anyone would take a rivalry THAT seriously.

"People get worked up, but to physically hurt someone is a bit extreme," said resident Kalie Macca.

Uhmmm...Kalie...only a bit extreme?

Do you think the chick might have Lesch-Nyhan Syndrome? Let's hope Mr. Hairston was treated appropriately with copious irrigation and with Augmentin to cover staph, strep, anaerobes, and Eikenella.

Shockingly, police said both Hairston and her husband appeared to be under the influence of alcohol when the incident took place.

Here's to taking love, SEC football, and the Florida chomp to another level.


  1. The top pic is particularly interesting for me. I didn't know that UC Berkley did the "Gator Chomp" too.

    As for me, the SEC has always been the most exciting but this year I have been really happy to see the Big 12 finally step up.

    I was in the stands this w/e to witness my beloved Aggies allow OU to score the most points by an opponent EVER at Kyle Field. As we've said at the end of every season since our National Championship year in 1939, watch out for us next year!

  2. The only thing more boring than doctors talking politics is doctors talking college football.

    And I don't think this is all that abnormal actually. I beat the crap out of my boyfriend all of the time. I think he likes it.

    It is nice to see Lofti in back in da house though. What's up the pathologist? I always wanted to be one of those when I was a little girl growing up. Dissecting placenta and adnoids is fascinating shit.

  3. Lesch-Nyhan is all about self-mutilation.. and its X-linked recessive.. so what are the odds that a woman would have it!

    Also.. not many live long enough to get married..

    But she's certainly retarded. Which is the only point in favour of the diagnosis.

    Get the medicine back into this blog please.. I'm really missing the good old days!

    And I'm back to my blogging ways.. cleared Step 1! Woohoo!!

  4. I've always rated Kluver-Bucy syndrome at the top of my BCS ratings, Wiki-it, OK, I'll cut the suspense. Results in a female who is constantly horny and likes to suck on things. I know, you gotta go to work sometime, so get the family size bag of All-day lollipops at "Sams" and you're set.

  5. So, Doctor Frank. Can I call you Vern? Haha...just jokin. I once had a boyfriend get busted by the feds for his enormous indoor farm. His name was CHARLES, super gay. If anything, I'd be most embarressed for being given the name VERN at birth.

    Look, I think you should go with it, because it's way cooler than if you're were a rich, happily married doctor living in a pent house decorated with painfully ugly furniture. Don't you think?

    Vote for CAT '12.

  6. I think, Lofty, that your diagnosis of Lesch Nyhan is a little far fetched. This is obviously a case in the category of carnivoric fibromyalgia, specifically cannabalistic fibromyalgia. In fact, I believe this to be the first documented case.

    In the AlGore-istic reasoning, it seems that fibromyalguers disproportionately have a high BSA. Fibromyalgia, being a disease where everything hurts, does not seem to affect the muscles of mastication. In an experiment in which fibromyalguers were placed in a room with a thick juicy, steaming hot steak, the steak disappeared 100% of the time, despite reported pain scales of 23/10 on average. This resulted in the first subclassification of carnivoric fibromyalgia.

    The experiment was repeated in true AlGoristic made up science fashion to find that if fibromyalguers were placed in a room with vegetables, the vegetables disappeared 23% of the time with an average pain scale of 27/10. This subclassification, termed herbivoric fibromyalgia, seems to be rare and more severe.

    If placed in a room with both steak and vegetables, fibromyalguers ate the steak 100% of the time and the vegetables 67% of the time with an average pain scale of 24/10. Thus the omnivoric fibromyalgia is of intermediate severity.

    It would this seem reasonable that the biting of the leg, in this case, would be a subclassification of carnivoric fibromyalgia, hence the reason the bite was to the meaty part of the leg.

    Of course, with any algoristic experiment, further experiments are needed to prove that no JC unapproved abbreviations were used in the experiments, and I indeed exist.

  7. Gloo, that's the funniest thing I've ever read!

  8. University of Miami = HURRICANES (alma mater, BA in Television-Radio-Film Feb. 1962). We used to play the 'Gators, but I don't recall games with Georgia.

    University of California at LA = BRUINS (undergraduate study for one year theater arts). Ex-husband's alma mater. He refused to take me to Pasadena to see UCLA play USC, because I was wearing a RED DRESS (USC color).

    What do you do when you're a HURRICANE BREWIN'?

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  10. You head to the Gulf Coast then blow everyone you can find.

  11. erdoc85, better late than never. My days of blowing a Bruin or any other bear, or anybody or anything (except my hair) are officially over.

    However, your response cracked me up!


    Tilly the Twit Teaser