Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I just gave birth to a f**king kidney!


Maybe you have heard about the new medical phenomenon of "natural orifice" surgery. Maybe you haven't. And just maybe you really wish you had not just read this blog entry.
Removing one's internal organs through one's vagina may not appeal to you. The doctor who removed a donor kidney "trans-beaverly" thinks differently:

"Removing the kidney through a natural opening should hasten the patient's recovery and provide a better cosmetic result.", quoth Dr. Freakshow.
Get ready for more weirdness as this technology progresses. But I am not yet impressed. When you can pull my liver out of my ass, give me a call.

18 comments:

  1. I love you, E.

    I don't know what happened to me. I got all bleeding-hearty when I wrote my VIP post. I must have been sleeping.

    THIS is what this blog is all about. I knew a chick in high school who was probably 'trans-beaverly'. I think...

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  2. maybe these surgical pioneers can figure out how to yank their brains out of their johsnon-rods?

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  3. I think it's great. I had a spinal fusion surgery last year, and I hate the scar on my otherwise spotless tummy. It also still itches and aches sometimes. I'd just buy my husband lots of lesbian porn and a kermit puppet while I was out of action.

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  4. dev,
    your husband is an incredibly lucky man, and the kermit puppet, that's just class.

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  5. My husband, Mr. Romantic, says I look like I was run through by a pirate.

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  6. After reading about your husband, Devorrah, I went home and validated my wife's feelings and then we just cuddled. Then I did the dishes.

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  7. igloodoc,
    i know the rest of the story, and it involves self relief. you are a good husband.

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  8. Well, Devorrah, suffice it to say it involved an eyepatch, a keg o' rum, some swashbuckling, and a cannon.

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  9. igloodoc: when my husband does all that stuff he totally gets laid (-:

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  10. Lofty:
    I needed to drag the blog right back in the gutter after your life-affirming post. It's my need to destroy all that is beautiful.

    Dev:
    If you are a good wife you will stand behind a curtain and talk dirty in that raspy kermit the frog voice while your husband practices self-abuse. Makes it more realistic.

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  11. I just heard that my mom needs to have her bladder "lifted" - and I have images of cherry pickers and cranes invading the OR. Since I'm going to the doc's with her, I'll be sure to ask if he's going to do this cherry-picking trans-beaverly. Talking all techy-like makes me hot.

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  12. I think scars are sexy, especially pirate ones.

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  13. Eto: I'm an excellent wife. I just drove a support van the length of Highway 1 (SF to Santa Barbara) while my husband and buddies rode fixed gear bikes. I was just wishing for a smelling impairment rather than a hearing impairment. And what is it with guys and talking dirty? How am I supposed to get to MY happy place while talking about lesbian stewardess twins (again)?

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  14. Eto: You're my hero. If you were better looking and not a guy, we'd need to talk.

    Devorrah: Who cares? Your hubby loves you, and that's what matters. Peace.

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  15. CJrun: Jezz, take a Miltown--I was kidding.

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  16. Uh. No thanks, doc. I think I'll just wait for the next kidney if you don't mind.

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