Doctors Push to Change "MD" Titles

(UPII)- Washington, DC: A group of American Physicians is petitioning congress to change their designation as "MDs" (Medical Doctors) to "Medical and/or Surgical Worker" or "MAOSWs".

Dr. Nebbish Weasley of the AMA says, "First, please call me 'mister'... small 'm'... We do not approve of the connotations inherent in the word 'Doctor'. Second, we think this change in nomenclature better reflects the new reality of the way we practice... having less and less say in what we make, how we treat patients, what we bill for our services, and who we work with. Also, we wanted to get in the spirit of the new 'worker's paradise' which is surely just around the corner and is being brought closer to reality by everyone being nice to each other and blurring the lines between outmoded concepts like 'personal responsibility', 'qualifications', 'training', and 'skill'."

Attempts to contact other physicians for comment were largely unsuccessful, but one, a certain "Oldfart", actually reached through the phone I was using and attempted to choke me. There were also a surprising number of PATBs (Physician Associates To Be) who could not stop commenting even though I didn't call them.

Finally, the Hospital Sanitation Engineer's Union "HSEU" has offered to take up the old "Doctor" moniker so that they will no longer be confused with 'engineers'... or the people that used to be known as 'engineers'... people that... never mind. The HSEU has offered to exchange nametags with the former doctors so that money can be saved to create a mural celebrating our Dear Leader.