Thursday, April 29, 2010
Flea Attending: I want you all to know that in my, blah de blah, hmmmm (coughs up hairball), excuse me; In my thirty years of practicing MEDICINE (spittle flies from mouth) that I have never met a "poor historian"... (wait for it like SMITH-BARNEY!), but I HAVE MET... I HAVE MET MANY POOR HISTORY TAKERS.
Most medical students around him.... "Wow, he's SOOoooooooo dreamy."
Me and Eto' and 'Cat... "Wow, what an idiot... Hey, are you guys going to see Dash-Rip-Rock tonight? Yeah? Sweet! Drinks all around. Is this guy still talking?
First shift back in ER a few days ago...
Me: Ma'am, how may I help you tonight?
Patient: I don't even know, I don't want to be here... the only reason I'm here is my son and he forced me to come.
Me: Well, ma'am, I'm sure there's something that is concerning him, are you feeling well?
Patient: Hell no! I'm sicker than a dog!
Me: And what are your symptoms?
Patient: Well every year about this time I get allergies and every year before this one I took one benadryl and it went away. But this year I've been taking all kinds of benadryl and this morning I like to fell out when I tried to stand up.
Me: Can you tell me what it felt like when you "like to fell out"? Did you actually pass out?
Patient: Hell yes I passed out!
Me: You went completely unconscious, woke up on the floor, and didn't remember the fall?
Patient: Hell no! I liked to pass out, my head just wasn't right and it got swimmy and my legs went noodle-y.
Me: So you became dizzy and weak in the legs?
Patient: Hell no! I got swimmy-headed and my legs got noodle-y.
Me (gathering testicles in hand for reassurance): Let me ask you about the benadryl... how much have you been taking?
Patient: None... well, one.... I mean all kinds of it, for weeks, and it's not helping.
Me: I see, is there any chance you took anything besides benadryl?
Patient: Hell no! Don't you listen? The only thing I took besides benadryl was benadryl plus, a red pill, and my sons blood pressure medicine, and I cut it into fours and took one because my blood pressure was really high.
Me: Do you happen to remember the name of the blood pressure medicine?
Patient: (wait for it) ... The blue one.
Me: Ma'am I'm very concerned about your symptoms and I'd like to run some tests. If, after my testing, I think you should be admitted to the hospital, will you stay?
Patient: Hell no! Just fix me up, I'm going home.
So, in summary, annoying Flea attending from medical school. Fuck you... you never even talked to a patient. Thus endeth the rant.
Posted by 911DOC at Thursday, April 29, 2010