Live Nude Blogging from the ER... (tape delayed)

So it only took about five hours of ER work for the PTSD to come back in full force and for me to ask myself again what the hell I was thinking when I chose EM as a specialty.... But the good thing is that it made me (when the hell was over) get on my knees and thank God that I have managed to escape the meat-grinder.... Because that's what it is, and it IS that largely because doctors are kind-hearted and don't want to fight... In some cultures they would be called 'pusssies', but I have posted on this before..... So, to my day as a guest star in the ER....

To bring you all in let me present you with the old classic, the positive 'Throckmorton sign'... Yes, I have addressed it before, but here it was come by honestly, and I think you all can see that in this Xray the penis definitely is pointing to the side of the lesion.... This is not how my day started, but when I saw this Xray I knew I had a blog post...

But there's more. Turns out you can't even drive drunk on your own property in your own ATV... The police were called and came to the guy's bedside and wrote him a damned ticket.... Have a nice day, sir... Go figure (he was Otis Campbell drunk).

But this only followed on the heels on the latest surrender from the provider side. We no longer have a 'Doctor's Area' where we can keep our drinks and food... Unlike the patients, and families of patients in the ER, who can eat and drink in the rooms where we cut into people and stick them with central lines and such, we now have a 'hydration station'... Here's a picture....

You know, I wouldn't mind at all about the hydration station if I had just finished high school and was working for an hourly wage at some noble endeavor, but, it's like, you know, omigod!! Jenny McArthy gets national pub regarding her wacko views on vaccinations and autism while having her servants peel grapes for her and me and my pals, after 7 or 8 years of post college training, have to keep our refreshments within the taped lines (between patients cursing us and administrators walking through the ER like they have a fucking clue what is going on).

But the day did not disappoint for pathology.... I mean it's not everyday that you see an open calcaneus fracture... Poor lady will never walk right again... We just can't fix these very well... And it was open... looked like someone had shot her with a 0.38 (notice proper numerical notation as demanded by some shithead organization that now rules us) caliber pistol under the malleolus... The ortho guy thought I was smoking stuff when I told him but after he looked at the film and the patient he had an 'I'll be damned' look on his face.... That's the ER in a nutshell... You will be damned...

Those of you studying to put yourselves in Hell may want to look up "Bohler's Angle" so you can discuss this when you do your Ortho rotation, but for those of you on the street, or in the ER (there's really no difference anymore), you can simply look at this film and say, "Damn".

And then came the woman by ambulance that, after a very skillful and smiley interview conducted by moi about her chest pain, admitted to me that she was simply out of her percocet and valium and I got her to swear that her chest pain had been present for more than 8 hours so I did the EKG and troponin boogie and gave her the weekend supply and kicked her ass out.

And then there were the stupid people who got septic from.... wait for it... getting splinters in their lower extremities oh, five or six days prior (they waited till they couldn't walk to come in and one waited until her percocet wouldn't kill the pain anymore)... And then came the woman on whom the nurses requested I order a 'fecal managment system' (since she was pooping worms and all), and after I jokingly asked one of my favorite paramedics if she owned a weapon (she did), and I asked her to go get it and bring it into the ER and shoot me between the eyes... (jokingly sort-of)... I got to leave... and I was very glad to do so... and FUCK all you people who made this so miserable (see entire rest of blog to figure out who these people are)...

And to the three or four med students out there who want to go into ER... I know you think that being able to tell these stories is going to get you laid or something, but it's not... I mean, it may for a little while, but then when you crawl inside the bottle of Jack, you won't be able to get it up anyway... So do Dermatology why don't ya? Every ER, every time, a fucking jacked-up freak show where all you can do is try to manage the chaos. Medicine? Huh? Thus endeth the rant.