Saturday, March 03, 2012

Tears in New Jersey

"Yeah mom, I'm like, SOOOOO bummed.... I mean, first I don't get into Princeton and now this! Those hicks down the road are SO obnoxious! Can I please get a ticket to come home tomorrow? I mean, we camped out for three days! The after party is just SO NOT HAPPENING! Please mom???? Can I get dad to take me to Bloomingdales?"

Ah, the delicioius, sweet nectar of a Dookie's tears. A beat-down in Cameron on national TV. Delicious. All the fat, big-haired, cystic acne plagued Jersey girls are pounding shots and pounding ugly Jersey guys and, like the last time I was there, probably burning dorm furniture.

Duke, the University of New Jersey in Durham. It's your safety school and you worship a pagan god with a bad haricut. And your god just got waxed.


  1. EMtarheelresidentintheMW9:53 PM, March 03, 2012

    go heels go america!

  2. I don't get it, I thought you were an UGA fan...
    and UNC fans are as bad if not worse than Duke.
    You know who graduated from Duke?
    I mean Laetner, and as an UGA fan how can you be hatin' on someone named "Christian"?
    Heck, if he played football, he'd be on your list to replace Christian Richt.
    You know who graduated from UNC(law)?
    and as much as I admire his Game, all Malpractice Lawyers go to Dantes 63rd level of Hell.
    Thats right, while you were watching the Tahr-Heels instead of UGA(don't blame you, have you watched AUBURN play this year :(..John Edwards probably was too, pausing Mid-Stroke to give a ummm not sure what UNC fans say...
    "Go Hay-ulls!!" in that syrupy sweet voice that illiterate Jurors lap up like ummm syrupy sweet stuff..
    Safety School??
    Ah yes, Troy(Montgomery)...


  3. Frank,
    didn't mean to confuse you. i actually don't have a degree from UGA though I did attend for two years. one of my degrees is from Carolina but i really prefer football and the one thing about Carolina football is this, the only thing people talk about at the games (which they go to only to dress up and get drunk and scope chicks) is when BASKETBALL season is going go start. kinda the reverse of UGA. so i have the dawgs in the fall and the heels in the winter. not bad. and you are correct about Edwards. he's already there, he just doesn't know it.

  4. oh but i will give coach k and the duke team this, very classy post game. great program, perennially great team. it's just that the dookies don't deserve it because they are all satan's minions, and all from NJ.

  5. So just to play the (Blue)Devil's advocate...
    Whats so bad about New Joisy?
    Jersey's the Boss, Tony Soprano, BON EFFIN JOVI...FRANK MOTHER EFFFIN SIN-ATRA...WHITNEY Hush-yo-Mouth-Houston...
    and the Man from Love-Tron himself, Parliament0Funkadelics George Clinton.
    and you wouldn't be down with OPP if it wasn't for the Garden States Naughty by Nature..
    Who's North Carolina produced, Clay Aiken?
    OK, there's James Taylor.
    In fact, I've considered packin up my game and movin there, Jiminy, the A-T-L's gettin to be New York South anyway...


  6. Didn't get in, huh, 911? Not even undergrad? Jeez.

    Duke '93

  7. nope, was from NC so was considered out-of-state. so what part of jersey are you from anyway?

  8. Frank,
    In the words of the Boss himself, "baby this town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap, we gotta get out while we're young..."

  9. @ Duke 93'
    people who have to mention there Undergraduate degrees are just pathetic.
    Do I go around saying "Frank Drackman, Auburn 83' Damn glad to meet cha?"
    OK, not as pathethetic as old guys buying ZO6's to cruise Panama City but same ballpark.
    Are you proud of Dukes 3-8 record in 93?
    While MY Almer Mater went 11-0 and would have won the National Championship if they werent on probation for (alleged) cheating.
    But hey, 3-8 was an improvement from 2-9 in 1992. And they were 3-9 last year, sort of a pattern.
    I know, Dukies always brag that they'll be bossing around those pee-ons from Clemson or NC State.
    umm ok well there was that Chief Resident A-hole, and the Residency Director, and the...
    never mind.
    But just to let you know, SEC teams schedule Duke just for laughs, and it counts as playing a BCS Conference team with Junior College talent. Even Steve Spurrier couldn't take more than a year of your crappiness...
    But maybe things will be better in 2012'


  10. Not even gonna mention my undergrad college. Too much basketball shame, especially as of late.

    There IS NO CRYING in basketball...


  11. To quote Charles Kuralt, "for all of you who couldn't afford to go to Dook, and the rest of us who wouldn't go even if we could, welcome to Carolina"
    -- convocation speech

    - EDski

  12. Nice little area around Patterson. Lovely in the fall. Good cider.

    Actually from Colorado. Not familiar with this Jersey of which you speak.

    And, fine, Duke football, the less said the better.

    Go Duke!