Wednesday, October 24, 2007

God Bless Crazy Parents

One subject I could post on every day is crazy names. We got 'em. No, I'm not talking about 'Shithead' (pronounced 'shi- thaid') so please don't comment that you've heard this one, or 'Oranjello' or 'Lemonjello' or 'Wasserman Positive Illigitemate Jones' or 'Sy Phillis' or 'Nosmo King' or 'Neveah' (heaven spelled backwards which to me means the oppositte of heaven so really, WTF??), or whatever. Heard it all. What I have never seen is a youngster with a middle name of "Machinegun", but I met him yesterday.

I love this name. Little Billy Machinegun Smith will likely be a huge badass, and if he ever plays sports his name will never be announced over the PA system without his middle name being accented. He will have thirty tattoos by the age of 18 and chew nails and spit bullets. If you are going to do this to your child, THIS is how to do it. "Machinegun". That kicks ass! Props.

16 comments:

  1. Machinegun is the coolest middle name I have ever seen. If I was to have another kid, that would be his middle name. My wife says the wedding announcement will read:

    Shayla Candy Breanne Jones to wed Billy MACHINEGUN Smith at the VFW Post this Friday. BBQ reception to follow.

    Not to one up you, but Very Special Lamb of God was a patient my wife took care of, and we routinely see three kids in one family (they all come in together) Zeus, Orion, and Aries.

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  2. i would guess that zeus, orion, and aries belong to two college professors... greek history or literature or classics or something. either that or some dude and his wife who live in a house on wheels and draw disability.

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  3. I with my middle name was machinegun...

    I know a kid (not a patient, so don't freak out HIPPA police)named Jena Telles...

    That's right. Don't get it? Say it really fast.

    Genitals.

    Yea, poor kid.

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  4. My mom and I have heard of seven children, the children of a man named George (some famous dude) and his wife, all named George. The boys were George Jr, 3, 4... and the girls were like Georgina and Georgette. (Those were weird.) My favorite was "Pilot Inspekter" for a name. My mom and I look at the odd things celebtrities name their kids because it makes us think old names sound a lot less horrible. Except Hortense, which we agree is a horrible name (although when my grandpa's aunt had it, it wasn't too bad probably).

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  5. the seven 'georges' you mention belong to george foreman the boxer. pilot inspekter is a celebrity couple's child of recent birth. penn giletter of 'penn and teller' fame named his daughter 'moxie crimefighter gilette' but he's an eccentric millionaire magician so i guess he can do that. not so neat when your folks are pulling down 18 large a year and you have head lice.

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  6. lil kid in our Church has the middle name of 'Spike'. His dad insisted on it to balance out that him mommy gave him the puss first name of Cameron. His 8 year old buddies call him Spike. heheh

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  7. My ex-girlfriend's name was "bitchwhore"... or, wait, that's just what I call her.

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  8. cat: PLEASE invite me to the wedding. I'll even drive Shayla to the wedding in a pickup. She'll be in the truck bed.

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  9. watch him grow up to be a botanist just to rebel against his parents
    ; )

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  10. You have it all wrong. He's going to be gay, love small puppies and white furniture.

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  11. I met a woman in New Orleans whose name was "Twin". Her twin sister's name was also "Twin". I guess mom ran out of names by the time she popped out the last two. Not sure if their middle names are "A" and "B".
    I also know a guy whose middle name is "Empedocles". Pretty good as far as middle names go.

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  12. That is a GREAT name. And I bet that kid won't run into many other "MachineGuns" out there - definite bonus!

    P.S. I finally did your meme. Better late than never, I say!

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  13. I went to college with a "Lon Moore," which sounds pretty normal after some of those . . .

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  14. The only match would be a girl with the middle name 'succulent'

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  15. Well, I remember a girl from college, a Miss Wood, first name Holly. . . but that don't sound so bad now. . .

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  16. how about (first) Kandy (middle) Kane and what was worst we saw her for a pos HCG....they are multipling

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