The Japanese have led the charge on this practice. You have probably heard the well-known American expressions: “Grass on the infield: Play Ball!”, or: “Old enough to pee; old enough for me”, or: “Old enough to eat; old enough to be eaten”. Well, in Japan the ancient saying goes: “Old enough to shit; old enough to have a flexible colonoscope inserted to your terminal ileum, then drawn out slowly while taking biopsies of suspicious polyps”. Believe me, it sounds much more clever and pithy in the original Japanese.
I got a polyp to look at under the microscope the other day and, like one might expect, there was some fecal material along with the tissue. This is usually due to a “poor prep”, a.k.a. “I ate a corn muffin and 20 munchkins before coming in today”. Amazingly, it is possible to microscopically identify what that person ate in most cases. Sure, there is a lot of digested sludge that is basically a mass of bacteria and degenerated goo. But, if you are lucky, you may see a leafy vegetable; some steak; and, of course, CornNuts®. Anyway, this poo was different. There was some sort of seed structure that looked unusual. I showed it around and was greeted with shrugs (how is shit NOT interesting!?). I probably could have dropped it there but I actually know a botanist, so I gave her the slide. A couple days later she called me and said, “It looks weird because it is germinating”.
The dude was growing a bean sprout in his colon. I’m thinking: New England Journal of Medicine: “Ass-plants: a case report and review of the literature”. Move over Jonas Salk, step aside Louis Pasteur; I’m going to Disney World, bitches!