Tuesday, June 17, 2008

'Interventions' Aren't Always Well Received

A funny story about my great friend 911DOC. He was visiting friends a few years ago...friends he hadn't seen for several years. They threw a few beers back and the next day the friend - who had somehow become a grubby little liberal shithead - asked 911DOC if he thought he had a problem. I am pretty sure this is how it went. I love you, man. Happy Father's Day.


  1. I know 911, and he has no problem with alcohol. Black tar heroin, yes. Alcohol, no way.

  2. Yeah, I know. He was just chillin'. Threw back a few pops like we all do. If I remember the story properly, the guy had gone to law school and had become, well, a big, fat, hairy pussy of a liberal.

  3. yeah, that happened. funny thing, the last time we had seen each other as a group was at a friend's wedding and it was drinking from morning to night. the difference here, i guess, was that the wives and kids were around. hell if i know.

    i could easily be an addict, so could anyone, all you have to do is say, 'i have a disease, i am powerless over my addiction.'

    and it's china white, not black tar 'cat.

  4. Oh, I'm in a bad mood tonight.

    So my sister is a lesbian who has been in a relationship with the same woman for 10+ years.

    She has breast cancer. She is going through radiation.

    But her partner, who is currently with the army in Kosovo, can't even /request/ a leave of absence because her partner of ten years is not considered "family."

    So y'know what? Fuck ya'all conservatives and fuck your "don't ask don't tell" policy.

  5. How is your lesiban sister germaine to an unwanted intervention?

  6. Hannah my dear with the symetrical name, "Don't Ask Don't Tell" was instituted early in the Clinton administration. Like alot of liberal policies it backfired, more homos were thrown out under "Don't Ask Don't Smell" than under the evil Reagan-Bush reign. Here's what she has to do, suck it up, take a high hard one from a guy, + HCG and shes on the next Freedom Bird to the states.

  7. Why can't she, as my sister's rightful spouse, be allowed to apply for leave like a heterosexual couple? If Clinton started the "don't ask don't tell" policy, why hasn't Bush eradicated it as unfair and discriminatory? (Oh, wait, he pushed through DOMA.)

  8. hannah,

    let me get this straight. you are pissed because your sister's lover, who lied to get into the military, is now being called on a lie? my wife and i were separated while we served our country and my next door neighbor has been separated from his wife during the course of his 25 year career for 10 years. he has missed his daughter's graduation and countless other events, and was deployed when his mother died.

    the military's sole purpose is to kill our enemies and break their stuff (under the lawful order of our government). everything else takes a back seat. everything.

    so, dear hannah, i am terribly sorry that your sister has cancer, i mean that, but do not expect me to start writing my congressman to subvert the mission of the military to the very real, but less important needs, of it's members.

    and kosovo?? are we still there?? who ordered our troops their? who dictated rules of engagement that insured minimal american loss of life and at the same time made a real victory impossible? oh yeah... it was Clinton.

  9. Actually, she's in Kosovo because of the recent uprising/civil war. Yes, something Clinton supported whilst in office but it's been over a decade between points A and B.

    As far as I know, no, my sister's spouse (not lover -- they live together, have formed their own idea of "family" and have been "married" for longer than 50% of heterosexuals) did not lie to get into the army. She's actually in the reserves, has been in the reserves since before she met my sister. Thus the only "lie" was the acceptance of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

    The /separation/ doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that she is not given the same opportunities as her heterosexual counterparts.

  10. hannah,

    you will convince me that gay marriage is a good idea if you can define 'marriage' for me and tell me how it is different (apart from the very obvious legal rights it concurs) from 'living together'.

    if you say that the legal rights are the only difference then let's make 'civil unions' carry the same legal weight as marriage, but don't profane my religion calling homosexual unions 'marriage'. if you are tempted here to call me intolerant, be careful, i am nothing but tolerant, but advocating and accepting as equally valid, that's not tolerance.

    if there is something other-worldly or spiritual about marriage please tell me what it is and then tell me why it should be limited to humans... in other words, if you say that the depth of love felt by one individual towards another is the special thing, then why limit marriage to humans? why can't i marry my dog for instance... she's really cute and i know she loves me. if you say it's because the dog can't consent i would disagree, she clearly understands simple commands, who are you to say she can't consent?

    here's a standard conservative position on marriage... "What Marriage is For", it's not emotional so you might not like it, but hannah, your depth of feeling on this issue is the least persuasive way to argue for what you want. the reason for this is that then all arguments turn into a 'who feels this more deeply' contest rather than who has the better logical point. and that's the main difference between liberals and conservatives. liberals are all about feelings and conservatives, while we acknowledge the importance of feelings, place reason above them.

  11. How's does one go from intervention to immediate rant that is completely off topic? I might be slow, but could someone fill me in?

  12. Ah, darling 911. I don't really care what you call it. Neither do most homosexuals. Give them the same rights as married folk -- call it a civil union, sure -- and why not? Allow churches to choose whether they will "marry" (under god and all that nonsense) a gay couple. Homosexuals are fighting for equal rights. Most can get "married" right now in any liberal church of their choosing. But what does that mean in the eyes of the government? Nothing.

    So, yes, you and your ilk can get married and divorced in your church as many times as you wish. While everyone else pines away for the same insurance and tax benefits, etc.

  13. didn't lie? didn't lie? please, pull the other one.

    same opportunities as heterosexuals? what opportunities are those? the legal rights of marriage are the only things you are talking about because she is actually given MORE opportunities, based on the religion of diversity in our culture, to advance to make the workforce more 'diverse'. she is picked in advance of boring old heterosexuals for certain positions. she has more 'opportunities' than i have (because of my white skin and hetero makeup) to get preferential admission to universities, preferential hiring, and being a woman, she can pick and choose her assignments in the reserves to the extent any male could only dream of. also, being a woman, all she has to do to get home is get pregnant and she could do this without even touching a man, and it's done all the time. please. opportunities.

    and just so you know, it happens about once a week in my military town, that i get to take care of a wife of a service member who comes in and says, "i'm going to kill myself if you don't get my husband back from iraq."

    if, in this case, the wife had breast cancer, and was not expected to live more than a few weeks, yes, the husband would be brought home, if there were merely a diagnosis of breast cancer then the serviceman might or might not get to come home for a brief visit based on the needs of the service.

  14. I don't get the 90 degree turn out of nowhere either, but regardless, since the topic was changed, I can't access the link of "What Marriage is for".
    My computer can be temperamental sometimes, so is it just me or is there a problem with the link?


  15. dear amy-65-c,

    sorry for the broken link... try this.

    hannah, then we agree. it's not marriage.

  16. Wait. What?

    The reserves does not officially "know" that she is homosexual. Yes. She is a woman. And a white woman. So she has the woman advantage, but certainly not the homosexual nor the white advantage. Obviously, if she could get pregnant, she might choose it. But that is not an option.

    And I mean that -- if my sister were dying of cancer, with only weeks to live, her partner would not be able to petition for leave. Any heterosexual partner would, of course. But admitting to homosexuality in the military is akin to signing your death warrant.

    So, please. Who is persecuting you? Blacky, the wimmen folk, or the homos?

  17. Oh thank you 911doc!!!!! You have verbalized the very thoughts that race through my head whenever I'm confronted with the liberal ilk of this nation.
    You rock! I live in the liberal armpit of the midwest; Madison, Wisconsin. You can't swing a conservative opinion round here without knocking over a few liberals!


  18. The moral decline of this nation becomes more appearant to me every day. Did it all start with the "free" love of the 60's?

  19. i was not referring to her opportunities inside the reserves except as far as her being a woman goes. sorry that wasn't clear, but the left has made the military their little social experiment crucible for years and women DO have huge advantages over men in the service to the extent that they want a secure job and not to charge at machine guns.

    her opportunities outside the service ARE enhanced by her being a homosexual (depending on where she chooses to live). i live in bumfuck and it might not be the first place i chose to come if i were a homosexual but it hasn't stopped quite a few that i know personally from making bumfuck their home and succeeding at their jobs.

    if she lives in a blue state, works for the government outside the reserves, works for a university, or works for a major coporation she would advance much more easily than a white male.

    and here we come to an interesting part... "i mean it, IF MY SISTER WERE DYING OF CANCER with only weeks to live, her partner would not be able to petition for leave. Any heterosexual partner would, of course. But admitting to homosexuality in the military is akin to signing your death warrant."

    so as it turns out, and again i am truly sorry your sister has breast cancer, she is not dying right now nor is she in imminent danger of death and with God's help she will be cured. NO ONE, HETEROSEXUAL OR NOT, WOULD BE SENT HOME FOR THIS.

    and your last statement is just a damnable fucking lie. admitting your homosexuality in the military will get you, probably, outprocessed in a quiet and quick fashion, but, as it turns out, Clinton's policy has made this more difficult and less common.

    here's what happened to one of my classmates in internship who was gay. he was screwing an enlisted man in one of the call rooms and was stealing narcotics from the pharmacy. heterosexial? leavenworth for a year and a bad conduct discharge.

    homosexual? the army paid 120k for his medical school but when he was caught he was sent to... FILE PAPERS FOR THE GENERAL UNTIL HIS RELEASE, WITHOUT OBLIGATION TO REPAY THE 120K LOAN, TO DO A CIVILIAN RESIDENCY. most money ever received for a blow job.

    death warrant, are you fucking kidding me? i'm sorry i wasted so much time over your tantrum. jesus h christ on a popsicle stick, i know summer camp is scary and all, but mom's right here at the phone and maybe she can come and see you on arts and crafts weekend.

  20. zomg! conservatives and liberals are capable of hyperbole. Someone sign my death warrant, STAT!

  21. I have been reading this blog for some time now. You guys are hilarious! I'm not a doctor, but I have been to the doctor so I hope that counts.

    It always cracks me up, this nonsense about homosexuals being discrimminated against as far as marriage goes. WTF??? You have the EXACT same rights that I have. You can marry the opposite sex of your choosing, as long as said choice is in agreement of course. Where's the discrimmination in that? Call a spade a spade. What you want is SPECIAL treatment.

  22. nicely put hannah.

    i'm sorry for taking out frustrations on you, but, i think you will agree, that in this case, you started it.


  23. Wow! Isn't if fun how a silly cartoon (and my snide, right-sided comments) can spark such debate?

    I LOVE this country.

    I am so giddy I could throw horse poop at the Clintons.

  24. You two can shut the fuck up now.

    I'm still busting a nut over the cartoon.

  25. I read the article, it's reasonably well-reasoned, but I still don't buy it. My lesbian sister is dying, and her partner of ten years and she have to jump through many more legal hoops to obtain the same protections that a married couple would.
    I don't think the correct question is "Why do they have to get married?" but " Why shouldn't they" Many gay people have children, and the parents are going to be gay whether or not they have kids. Marriage would promote stability in gay marriages as it does in straight marriages. It's just silly to say that my upcoming marriage is okay because it's "for the kids" ( just like the Poopstrong bracelets.) I've had many gay parents come through my classroom, and their kids deserve the benefit of marriage just as much as my kids. It's at heart an equal protection issue.
    And I don't think my sister's health has a thing to do with your out-of-control binge drinking, 911--I'm commenting on comments.

  26. dev,
    again, give them all the same legal protections but it's not marriage. one would have to redefine marriage to include same sex unions and i have other reasons for being against it, but good lord, don't you live in california? so what's the problem?

  27. I don[t have a problem, sister and partner live in Florida. I just don't agree, that's all, and I don't think the author argued out his point that it's all about the kids. People have the urge to get married for all sorts of reasons--don't ask my why I got married the first time. I know the reason, it's just a bad one (and it's not money, he had none). It's only about the kids sometimes. Generally it has something to do with love and wanting to be a legally recognized partner. It doesn't bother me to extend marriage to gays. I know I"m not going to change anybody's opinion, though. I"m off-duty.

  28. damn,
    left out the meat of the story. this particular weekend was long planned. i had just spent a few days with my wife and new baby at a very out of the way bed and breakfast and it had been awesome.

    i pulled up to the house to meet my old friends and within six hours of being there i had heard...
    1. 'supersize me' is the best movie ever
    2. walmart kills babies
    3. i had been asked to help my friends son pee... my friend was in the hot tub and his son was not so what the hell, i'm a doc, his son was not circumcised.
    4. my friends had pissed off my wife by ignoring her.

    it was at that point that i drove to the liquor store and bought a handle of beam. i mean, we were going to be there for three days and i didn't want to kill anyone.

  29. ah, but dev, the urge to get married certainly can be had without the availability of marriage could it not? for instance, someone already married might have the urge to marry someone else. they can't, unless they get divorced.

    also, i have the urge to have consequence free sex with good-looking lesbian triplets, but it is not likely to happen nor am i seeking a law to make it happen.

    finally, if the advocates of gay marriage really want it then propose an ammendment to the constitution and let's vote on it. this will not happen. most folks are dead against it and my problem here is legislation from the bench. not the way we set this system up.

  30. 911: I miss the Warren court...But I take your point, and besides, it's naptime!

  31. In this day and age, the average person will face more discrimination for being fat, poor, or ugly than for being non-white, gay, or of a certain religion.

    Hannah, those in the military must make tremendous sacrifices to serve. That's why it's called "service".

    Perhaps your sister should get out if she is no longer able (or willing) to make those sacrifices. She may be dangerous to the soldiers around her if her mind is not focused on her job. If her personal life is interfering with her performance, it is immoral and unethical of her to stay in.

    That is a hard choice, and requires some serious soul searching and honest self evaluation. I know this because I made the choice to get out after eight years of active duty.

    She should also talk to the Red Cross - those people are whizzes at getting folks emergency leave. If she is not actually in combat, something can be arranged. She should also feel out her chain of command - if she is a good troop, some salty Colonel or Sergeant Major will bend the rules for her.

  32. Dude, here I was hoping to talk about my favorite pastime: Drinking until the pain goes and the debate slides off the tracks onto dying lesbian soldiers. That sucks. I need a drink.

    By the way, I love this blog. Long-time lurker. First-time poster. And I am the poster-child for drunken obscenity.

  33. dear stacy b,
    i am going to drink to your health at the next opportunity.


  35. Just because you smoke hog does not make you gay, does it? 911, you wasted far to much energy with your argument. The butch beaver/fudge packing crowd has the courts on their side. Let em "marry". I will still know what the definition is and so will my kids. What kills me is the promiscuity that is so rampant in the male gay "life partner" community. Some of them come into the ED with a different "life partner" every week.

  36. That little comic thing is perfect. It's exactly how my sister responded when I suggested she might be abusing the alcohol a bit. I wouldn't have said anything if she had not been engaging in dangerous activities while drunk like attempting to jump off balconies and going home with random creepy guys . . .

  37. what's dangerous about that? job security i say.

  38. "what's dangerous about that? job security i say."


  39. Since you're all off topic anyway. The real issue is that women don't belong in the military. We can not physically lift as much. Period. The standards are reduced because 99% of women can not compete physically with men. Men's lives are at risk because women are on the front lines.

  40. anonymous,
    agree mostly. disagree as follows, i have no problem with women in the military but in jobs where physical stamina and strength may mean your life or someone else's then it should be a man's world. if you disagree, are you willing to draft women for combat positions? just remember the way the whole war and the media coverage STOPPED until Jesssica Lynch was 'rescued' (quotes because the 'rescue' is a controversial topic as far as what actually went down). don't get me wrong, i was elated that she was rescued, but a woman in captivity doesn't sit well with anyone and it sits least well with the folks around her and heaven and earth was moved to get her back. fine. great. but what about when it endagers the mission? personally i don't want my son or my daughter drafted but if there's a draft and i had to do a 'sophie's choice' i would chose my son to go.

  41. I disagree. I can lift just as much as, and more than some, of my male counterparts in EMS (even whilst pregnant). Several of them are ex-military where they did see combat. Not all women belong, but if they can handle it, than so be it. If I were drafted I would proudly serve my country. If I were captured they best treat my rescue (or whatnot) the same as if I were a male, and frankly...I'm not sure I would want my commrades risking their lives to come save mine.

  42. then you are a FREAK!! just kidding ee, you are, nonetheless, a bit unique.

  43. Unique is one word for it, ridiculously sexy is another. I'm kidding, of course.

    I grew up in the rough part of a big town, man, you gotta be strong to survive!