Thursday, September 11, 2008

Locums Tenuous

It's hard to blog when one is not pissed-off all the time. It is especially hard to blog when your hotel, which advertises 'free wireless' access, does not, in fact, have it. Add to that me having to type this on a cell phone and my partner's deeply-ingrained laziness and you almost have my full explanation for our silence recently.

One more thing. To make ends meet before I get my escort service up and running I have hired myself out to the highest bidder and am currently working ER shifts somewhere near you!

I have discovered the following...
1. All ERs are the same.
2. All ERs are not the same.
3. Some small towns have fantastic hospitals with happy docs and nurses.
4. Some 'patient populations' actually give a tinker's damn about
making good choices.
5. Working overnight sucks ass ( see previous)

Cheers from the Road


  1. This scares the pockets off of me because you could be working shifts for me.... and I'd never know the dude on the other line was *the* 911doc


    I often wonder how many blogdocs I've spoken to when I'm at the 9-5

  2. I know what you mean about anger driving blogging: I've hardly blogged since I for married, as I don't have anything to complain or feel angst-ridden about.

  3. superbadjack: Don't worry, it would just be a matter of time before he would out himself by calling some guy a douche (-:

  4. 1. All ERs are the same. Yes. They are.

    2. All ERs are not the same. Yes. They are. You just don't know it yet.

    3. Some small towns have fantastic hospitals with happy docs and nurses. No. They don't. You just think they do. Give it time.

    4. Some 'patient populations' actually give a tinker's damn about making good choices. No. They don't. It just appears that way because you don't know them yet.

    5. Working overnight sucks ass (see previous). You're just a pussy.

    I don't want to burst your bubble, but you were "not an ER Doc" for like, a week.

    I've quit smoking for longer.

    I'm just sayin'.

  5. 911Doc
    A riddle for you.

    I give them what they want.
    They pay me for it.
    I don't like it.
    What am I?

    So just when I think you are going all fibro on us, I find out you have stolen my idea of starting an escort service.

    Well, my idea was to become an exotic dancer and join the Thunder Down Under dancers. The thought of excited women stuffing bills in my speedos made me giddy.

    When I told Mrs Igloodoc of my plans, she wanted to preview my act and promised to treat me like those excited women. Then she pulled out a roll of quarters.

    So the answer to the riddle.... I have 6 more hours to go in my shift.

  6. ah, my dear mg,

    First, regarding my locums shifts... ho's gotta eat too!

    second and more...
    all subspecialties in house
    all paper charts
    patient transporters
    3:1 patient to nurse
    labs from triage
    security guards with guns


  7. You're lying.

    Such a place doesn't exist.

  8. igloo doc,
    i'm dense like lead. what is the answer to your riddle? blood sweat and tears? haldol?

  9. Answer to the riddle - A philanthropist prostitute?

  10. And I hate to be a prick (again) but I had no clue what the title of this thread meant. So I googled it and found out what you were referring to. Turns out its supposed to be 'Locum Tenens'.

    Please note - I'm not trying to spoil your vacation with complaints about trivial nuances of language, but I had no clue what it meant, so I was hoping the change of spelling might help other clueless idiots like myself.

  11. Turns out its supposed to be 'Locum Tenens'.

    Methinks he had it right the first time. It's a play on words. Tenens/Tenuous...get it?

  12. Damn..

    I need a doctor to remove this large foot from my mouth please..

    Coming soon to an ER near you..

  13. The answer to the riddle -- an ER Doc.
    Honorable mention to anybody that thought a ho.

    Your observations are very astute 911Doc. All hospitals and ER's are not the same. Some are actually pretty good.

    But, there are a legion of undead administrators and government officials (aka undead administrators between jobs) that will suck the life out of any good ER, rendering it like a hollywood actor campaigning for the Democrats. A cliche. Dysfunctonal. Mediocre. Sometimes dangerous.

    One of the saddest things to watch is the life going out of the eyes of promising doctors and nurses as the undead storm the fragile ecosystem of a good, well run hospital. And some of the promising staff succumb to the hypnotic allure of administration, and become undead themselves.

    But, the sun will rise and the undead will perish. Or the Megahospital chain will put a stake in the heart of undead administrator. A brief respite until the next generation of the undead hatches and infests the hospital.

    Nights really, really really suck derriere.

    Now, about that escort agency.... need some talent?

  14. I'm working as a locums in primary care internal medicine while I look for a permanent job in my subspecialty. (I'm picky.)

    The PIA-ness of locums companies could be a post in and of itself! Welcome to the road!

  15. dear igloodoc,

    my 'escort service' is going to be the kind that escorts semi tractor-trailers down the highway! you weren't thinking... oh, my!

    dear anonymous,

    no complaints with my locums folks so far but i will give it time.

  16. 911, how will I know if you are performing in a town near me? I would love to meet you particularly while you are in anger remission. Like meeting the unknown comic with bag removed. I am speaking of the paper bag, of course.
    I hear warm fuzzy things about our ER. I even hear that the docs get paid no matter how many indigents they treat. Oh, oh, maybe they don't need any locums!? If that is the case, you will forever be an enigma.
    Keep the shiny side up and the oily side down.
    You can take the girl out of the semi but you can't take the semi out of the girl. (No, that is not singular for semen)

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  18. Shoot! I was going to offer to moonlight as your answering service: I have been told I have a very pleasant phone voice and I can put on a mean French accent. Business would have been booming. Oh well...

  19. If you need any advice on getting that escort business off the ground, just give me a call.

    It really is not unlike nursing in many ways. Just pays better and the clients are a bit classier.

    Great career move. You'll never look back (well.... unless you like that sort of thing ;)