Saturday, October 18, 2008

Ask the vet

If there are any veterinarian readers out there I need some help. My wife's Yorkie is having potty training problems. She will only s**t on the New York Times editorial page, or occasionally the front page. We got her to go on the S.F. Chronicle once, but then was acting "funny" for days. She did urinate on a copy of The Audacity of Hope at a liberal co-workers house, but we want her to start going outside. Do you think she is doing this on purpose? She seems to enjoy the experience more than a normal dog. We have tried training and books, but nothing works. Please help.


Frustrated in what used to be America


  1. I think I just pulled or strained something from laughing so hard. Is there a doc in the house? Oh. I have to wait three months to be seen? Um, well, ok. After all, it is free. Maybe I'll drink the pain away, then I can have the free alcohol abuse treatment as well. Hey! A twofer. Cool.

    Loving Universal Health Care

  2. I think this calls for some "shock treatment"

    First....remove all offending material.

    Then......litter your house with copies of Atlas Shrugged, Ron Paul's The Revolution, The Wall Street Journal, Reason Magazine, The Federalist Papers...also copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution wouldn't hurt..I wouldn't use the originals....try to just save those for the reaaaaaaly bad cases.

    Let me know if this helps...

  3. very very frustrated, too..along with being enraged and heartbroken at the same time.. Am currently involved with a debate on another blog with 2 college know it all socialists who actually celebrate that they will be able to "steal from the rich" in a few weeks time.

    Where do you even begin with such utter stupidity and IMO moral depravity? Someone needs to take away their Kool-Aid.

    Hubby and I are now stuck in do we vote our conscience (Libertarian) or for McCain as an "against Socialist Obama vote"?

    I hate being forced into this choice...we are leaning towards McCain in that Obama winning seems like a futuristic Brave New World nightmare.

  4. YOU have a yorkie??

  5. Thanks for the advice so far.


    The post clearly states wife's Yorkie, dill hole.

  6. Your dog is obviously racist, homophobic, has no compassion for the poor and homeless, doesn't care if ... did I mention racist?
    Recommend intensive sensitivity training. Even that might not help.
    Also, would be helpful to know if the dog listens to right-wing hate radio or owns a gun. You have to be concerned about the safety of your family. This is how Tim McVeigh started out.

  7. She owns no weapons. My vet said that animals have an inate sense of good/bad and right/wrong.

  8. If that's the case, my Lhasa has been given misinformation as she thinks it is good and right to pee on the floor while I am out, or take a shower.

  9. Dear Dr. Cat,

    I apologize for my fellow readers. They seem to be totally unhelpful with this very easy problem.

    The simple fact of the matter is that a dog will do her "business" where she already smells excrement. Obviously, her nose is working just fine, and you shouldn't punish her for this normal behavior. If you want her to go outside, put those stinking rags outside. Probably solved.

    Love, Teresa

  10. What's the problem?

    Oh, the outside part.

    Hmmm...Teresa is right, put the sh*t magnets outside and the dog will follow.

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  12. Cat: see if you can buy any of the tens of thousands of copies of "It Takes A Village" that the DNC bought up in order to get Hillary's book on the NY Times Best Seller's List. They should be happy to resell those pretty cheap.

    Next, line them up in your "rich doctor mansion" leading from the teak entry way, through the marble dining, past the formal living area, and down into the media room, around through the wine cellar and game room, then up to the ballroom and out to the cement pond.

    Once you've lured "the bad dog with the good judgment" outside, you can spring the final trap.

    Line your back yard with Che Guevara posters (you can find hundreds of them at any BHO rally). Make sure to cover the tennis courts and the helicopter landing pad. That should do the trick.

    This method is called "The Audacity of Poop". Best Wishes.

  13. Sounds like your dog has great taste. I'll send some copies of Hell and Heat magazine over, see if she craps on them. Debs x

  14. THAT your couch??!!!

    No, offense, but in my imagination, you DO all live in "rich doctor mansions". Your pic is ruining my black leather fantasy, and replacing it with flashbacks of old man smells.

    I will erase the image from my mind.

    And just a thought, maybe she's rebelling because you make her wear fugly tied ribbons and it's ruining her dirty bad girl image. Maybe.

  15. Greta, Greta....

    That's not Cat's couch. Get with the program. In a rich doctor mansion, we'd never have a couch like that and certainly not carpet or pillows like that! Those are the furnishings in the dog's wing of the rich doctor Cat mansion. When our dogs are through with things, we move them to the servant's quarters.

    But don't worry your pretty little head about the injustice of it all. Obama is gonna redistribute the furniture right after he redistributes the income. Hopefully I can still afford to have a servant's trailer attached to my double-wide (for those of you keeping score at, that isn't another reference to my wife).

  16. hey erdoc85,

    do you guys not have in house pet-handlers/walkers? do you not have pets for your pets? an in house pet counsellor?

    i have a pet pool separate from our pool and a pond for the servants, of course. a pond is good for them. we live over on oak.

  17. It is my god-given right to have your furniture, dammit!

    So get that poodle off there before she pisses on my couch!

  18. My God Greta,

    Will you PLEASE get with the program?!? That's a Yorkie. Only one of those docs that does those Addadicktame and Lopitoffame procedures would have a poodle. Besides, a poodle wouldn't even match that couch.

  19. erdoc85, she mabe a gay yorkie and in need of a strapadickteme, or even have fallen in love with a russian dog with three testicles "hoodyanickabollockoff." It seems like she is a gal with issues. Maybe it's just that she's had no luck with the opposite sex and is crying out for mycoxafloppin for her chosen one.

    Who knows? I think you should consult a vet!

    Debs x

  20. I've been told that some newspapers induce that feeling in readers - but I'm a journalist!

  21. Yeah, erdoc69...whatev

    Listen guys...I'm gonna need photos of all your bedroom sets/armoires/hope chests.

    ...for the Great Redistribution of Your Wealth Unto ME



  22. Greta, I could get you a copy of the photos of my "doctor mansion", but the video version will be on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous soon.

    Just know that before I turn my indoor/outdoor pool/jacuzzi/waterfall/natural reef over to BHO for redistribution, I'm gonna pee in it. I hope you get a rash.

  23. Geeze, take a chill pill, doc! I don't want your pox curse. I was barely done reading the great editorial up above.


    I already have a rash. Which I think your jacuzzi will soothe quiet nicely.

  24. For the record, this photo was taken by our butler in the "dog" wing of the house. The furniture you see here was picked out by the dog. She is not allowed in the Great Hall where we dine on lamb and caviar.

  25. Cash people! Obama cant distribute what he cant find ;)

  26. My advice is simple...take pup and paper to the park with the New York Times (or the Charlotte Observer in our case) sit on the bench and read to your hearts content, find the appropriate column and lay it out before yon Yorkie. After she has expressed her opinion on the piece, roll it up and put it in the trash. Two birds. One stone.
    Loved this...makes me want a Yorkie...

  27. Jennifer .. if you are reading other's comments .. the only socialist I have seen so far is George Bush who along with his fellow Repug McLame pushed this country into the crapper and now McLame is ready to flush.

    This is a great post .. aside from the political comments ..

    David sent me ..


  28. witty, nonsensical toilet humor... i love it. mclame a socialist. wow. herre's one for you, obama is a capitalist in the pocket of white elites, just like the 'invisible man' by ellison. idiot.