Thursday, January 15, 2009

Congratulations Fat Asses, You Did It!

Well, well, well. We never thought it could be done...didn't think it humanly possible. But you never gave up, did you? No siree. You remained steadfast in your drive and determination. You ignored the endless media reports regarding this overweight and obesity 'epidemic' sweeping America. You just kept eating and eating and sitting on your pathetic fat asses. You kept stuffing the Bloomin' Onion and the Chili’s Smokehouse Bacon Triple-The-Cheese Big Mouth Burger with Jalapeno Ranch Dressing (2,040 calories and 150 g fat) down your massive gullets day after pathetic day.

There are now more OBESE Americans than there are simply OVERWEIGHT Americans. 34% of Americans are now obese (BMI >30), while only 33% are merely overweight (BMI >25).

Yee fucking hah!

You must be so proud of yourselves.

Me? I give up. I actually (silly me) had hopes that Americans would actually get the fact that we have a problem with our excessive lifestyle. We eat too much, we spend too much, our kids are getting fat with us and we do nothing but blame others.

Lofty hereby, officially and forever, gives up on America.


  1. Perhaps even scarier than the statistic- 2 of the girls in the attached photo may or may not be wearing bottoms. Perhaps they invested in edible swimwear and the line at the nacho bar was just too long.

  2. Heartless and cruel as always Lofty. I would tell you to walk a mile in their shoes but you might need orthotics and Kevlar soles etc... And that's a lot of money! Bet you couldn't eat that much you pussy. I refer you back to the 'nation of spectators' post. I just think it's unfair that these gals can't fit in the ringside seats at the WWF Texas cage death matches. I think they have a disease and need to be on triple disability checks to live in the manner to which they have become accustomed.

    In all seriousness, patients like this who come to me for abdominal pain are terribly hard to diagnose as they are way too big for the scanners, pelvic exams ( just threw up a bit in my mouth), ultrasound might work... might see the gall-bladder, and surgeons have been lost trying to ex-lap 'em.

    And in anticipation of all the haters let me point out that these beauties are, evidently proud enough of their boddies to sport some thongs and pose for the camera... more excercise than they've had since 6th grade PE when they walked around the basketball court... almost.

  3. I kind of like how the chick on the left is holding the other one's pannus.

    I'm too chicken to wear a bikini. If only I had their misplaced confidence.

  4. BMI's a commie metric unit foisted upon us by the Carter Administration back in the 70's along with platform shoes and disco..Just look at the units...its Kilograms/square meters..its simple, for women, if you weigh enough to potentially play any non-kicking position on an NFL team you're fat, I don't care how toned you are...

  5. Lol. Maybe if you sexy docs gave those ladies some free healthcare, all would be right again. Did you ever think of that?

  6. frank,
    astute as always. i think any of these ladies could replace either the detroit lions offensive or defensive lines, think of the money saved!

  7. While not condoning it, it is hard to escape the claws of obesity once its got its claws in. If your parents were fat and fed you sugar by the spoonful as a kid whenever ever you grazed your knee then boy thats tough. Doable but tough. If my willpower ever breaks I could be one of those bikini ladies within a year tops.

  8. I have said for a loooong time that our demise will NOT be at the hands of a totalitarian 1984 type takeover TAKING away of our freedom and liberty

    It will be the masses GIVING up our freedom and liberty as per Brave New World...too catatonic on our "Soma" of American Idol, Happy meals, and People magazine to give a damn!

    We will destroy ourselves long before any enemy breaches our shores.

    BTW...not to intrude on your posts...but am seriously considering joining the Army Reserves as a nurse...and think some of you are former military.

    Any thoughts/advice for me?

    Thanks...and as guys rock!

  9. jennifer,
    Yes, more soon. on iPhone now and hard typing. quickly, do not do it unless you are prepared to deploy and don't believe the recruiter.

  10. Just out of the picture is the car that swerved to avoid them and ran out of gas.

    Wonder how many have fibro.

    Sigh. It's the end of the world, I tell you. The end of the world.

  11. 911....yes....I am fully aware that deployment is about a 100% probability.......

    I have just worked in some real shit holes in my life...full of real shit hole patients. My shining moments were when we had soldiers sent in from surrounding bases (Fort Lewis in WA and Fort Bragg in NC)

    I know it sounds trite so say it was an honor and a privilege....but nothing else really describes it so well

  12. Come on - give these girls a break - they're just desperate to make their feet appear small.....

    Speaking of their poor feet, it's a wonder they can walk or stand.

  13. I'm betting that in 10 yrs (or less?) we'll just have a new standard for overweight and obese and perhaps a new category- extremely obese/gargantuan- to separate categories. I mean, what are they going to do when over half the country is in the 'obese' category?

  14. Annonymous, there's already a land where 1/2 the population's obese, its called "Alabama".

  15. If more than half of the people are obese, then clearly the problem is with the definition, not the people! Duh.

    That redhead's smart, though. She actually looks skinny when she surrounds herself with those other ladies.

  16. They are just doing their part to promote abstinence.

  17. Jennifer-

    Deployment would absolutely be 100%. However, for some in the reserves that means "deploying" to Landstuhl in western Germany to backfill for nurses being sent to Iraq or Afghanistan. So the deployment side of things may not be so bad for a reservist.

    The downsides of military medicine are similar to those of civilian medicine esp if you're in ER. There is no barrier to care so when the primary care docs schedules fill up, people just show up in the ER. This may be worse in the military because a military PCP has absolutely no incentive to overbook a clinic or squeeze more people in because he gets paid the same whether he sees 3 patients or 30 patients in a day. So the ER becomes a nice big dumping ground just like civilian practice.

    There's also a philosophy of "screw up and move up". People who are good at patient care typically get the toughest assignments such as running your own aid station in a violent warzone while people who are incompetent cannot be trusted in those situations. Here's an example- a clinic in Germany was staffed by 2 Army FP docs. That clinic got tabbed to deploy 1 of their docs. One was the chief of the clinic and well-respected by the staff and patients. The other had just failed his boards for the 2nd time and was only working part-time in order to dedicate more time to studying in hopes that he would eventually pass his boards (aside- the first time I met him he was playing basketball by himself on a weekday afternoon in the base gym). Which of these docs gets deployed? The one who's actually proven that they're capable of caring for patients.

    Example #2- a doc does a year of residency and then decides he no longer wants to be an ENT but hasn't yet decided what he wants to do when he grows up. He's assigned to a brigade where he is the most junior doctor/officer and he is the only non-board certified/board eligible in the group of physicians. Since he has the least experience or ability to care for patients, he's made the brigade surgeon which essentially mean "chief medical officer of the brigade." In addition to having no responsibility for patient care, he "has to" take a 2 week course with all expenses paid in San Antonio while the rest of us are playing wargames and doing patient care in the woods during a German winter (great prep for fighting a war in a desert).

    I have many other stories about the frustrating circumstances of military medicine that caused me to leave. And I know the stories above are about physicians, but the same issues are true for nursing. Again, the issues aren't much different from civilian life. But at least civilians can quit a job if they're truly that unhappy and unless there's a draft, you won't be sent to a warzone as a civilian.

    On average, the patients are better. But let me assure you there are plenty of malingering soldiers/sailors/airmen/marines/etc who see sickcall and chronic medical conditions as a way of getting out of work or (even worse) deployment while their buddies who aren't still waiting for their testicles to drop cowboy up and do the duty they said they would. I do miss the guys who willingly put their lives on the line and then brag about how many times they've been blown up or wounded and then follow that up with "When can I get back out there, Doc? My guys need me." Those are the guys that keep me optimistic about the future of this country. The warrior ethic isn't dead, it's just rare to find.

  18. the important thing is they're not smoking...what's a ton or two

  19. Dr. Dave.....

    Thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a great "warts and all" perspective. I really appreciate it. Still think I am going to do it. I am hoping to get into a CRNA program co-workers and I were just talking about that "screw up and move up"'s in the civilian world, too. That actually works in my favor....I am a "damn good nurse" (a doctor's words....not mine) and have no desire to be anywhere else than at a patient's malingering as they may be!

  20. jennifer,
    i too am trying to get into a guard unit. eyes open and all. write me offline and i'll tell you more. i will also say this, as a rule, the air force treats their folks the best, but military nurses rock and are always having to cover for their GS counterparts. our email is top right.

  21. Lofty is becoming like Captain Ahab after his white whale...

    Soon hospitals will have to hire harpooners.

  22. I am craving a blooming onion. love those!

    I would like to clarify that I am a healthy weight, and I only eat a blooming onion about twice a year.

  23. Dear God, that is quite a picture. Imagine the nurses pleasure when the doc orders a straight cath urine sample :(

  24. LOL at would a head lamp!!!!

    Usually on those patients I assign someone just to hold up the panus!

  25. Go ahead and wear a bikini, Amy--your husband will probably love it. Mine does,

  26. First, thanks for burning my retinas with that picture....

    Second, between the image and the picture you drew, I'm thinking about the people-bots in Wall-e....

    btw - if 911doc or Amy want to write me offline, I might be able to provide an army doc perspective - "the insider's view" (granted I'm a resident, but I've been in for 4 1/2 yrs and have seen and heard lots of deployment stories from staff who've deployed)

  27. Fucking hell, Lofty, that's bad luck just seeing a thing like that. Now I have to wash my eyes out with Draino.

  28. I'm just perplexed by how much free time these people must have to eat. Even if I spent every spare second that I have eating, I'd still not get this fat.

    Straight cath for UA means the doc has to help the three other people hold back the pannus. You order that, you're definitely helping, doctors of the world.

  29. "Chili’s Smokehouse Bacon Triple-The-Cheese Big Mouth Burger with Jalapeno Ranch Dressing"

    That sounds good!

  30. Lofty,

    Don't dispair. I'm one of the new generation of fat'n'happy's bred out of the '80's, and I'm happy to report that at age 28 I am in the best shape of my life, having dropped 6 clothes sizes in the past year and gained the ability to weightlift.

    Don't lose hope. I'm moving to Texas in four weeks, and will drag all the new friends I make to the gym for some bench presses and squats.

  31. How did the survey collect its data? By stalking a deep fried cookie dough concession stand at a State Fair?
    I don't see those percentages in everyday life.

  32. Don't answer that, I reread the article :-)
    Still, I have a feeling the participants do not represent a true image of our society.
    The picture was good though, girlfriends of yours?

  33. In some states, welfare/medicaid will PAY for these "ladies" to have gastric bypass. Most insurance companies won't. But welfare will.

    Although they'll have to give up their cushy incomes from Naked Swine Pinup Calendars in order to qualify for welfare. But, hey...whatever works, right?


    Every well-stocked hospital will have these by the dozens soon.

    Maybe they could start including pictures of these in use with Supersized McD meals. hmmmmm . . .

  35. You know what's odd? I'm on a diet (and I've told people at work), yet not a single person has asked me to trade tips for losing weight, reducing fat in food, or making exercising fun. I wonder why that is? Oh yeah, they don't care.