Saturday, May 23, 2009

Part IV: Lofty Zahari in da' house

1. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist or Democratic Party?

I was born into a democratic family. My parents were smart, hard-working automotive workers just outside Detroit. They were all about hard work, saving, being personally responsible for ourselves. I think they thought they were supposed to be democrats, because, well, isn't that the party of the 'little people'? My parents were really conservative Republicans but didn't know it. Once I was old enough to know better and form my own opinions, have been a hardcore conservative and will be until they peel my cold, dead fingers from around Nancy Pelosi's neck.

2. Aside from scoring tons of chicks (or dudes if you are into that), why did you go into medicine?

The science is stimulating to me. So is my cell phone when it vibrates in my pocket.

3. If you had a magic wand, what would you change in medicine (and NO, you can't use it on your own penis / vagina)?

Patients would show up on time (crazy expectation, I know) and pay a reasonable price for my services in cash (credit cards OK, too).

4. Summarize the meaning of life in Haiku form.

Live wisely, love well
Drink red wine, eat chocolate
Sex every day

Here's one more since it is that time of year:

Detroit Red Wings win
Again, again, again, win
Better than your team

5. Name one book, one movie and one piece of art you would immortalize and one of each that you would destroy permanently.

Immortalize Cannery Row (love Steinbeck...he puts you inside people's souls), Field of Dreams (I weap uncontrollably when Kevin Costner plays catch with his father...I would give anything to play catch with my dad just once more), and Van Gogh's self-portraits (I have seen a few and feel like I am looking at him and speaking to him).

Destroy Love and Logic parenting bullshit (sorry, but the tenth time the five-year old blatantly disobeys, they don't need another gentle lesson on what they should learn from their mistake, but instead need a nice hard slap against their bare ass. Who the hell decided that the way our parents and their parents raised us wasn't working?? Liberal, politically-correct douchebags, that's who). Redford's Lions for Lambs is typical Hollywood anti-war anti-Bush bullshit. The movie sucks and no one is paying to see it.

6. If you lost your job tomorrow and could not get any job related to medicine, what would you do?

Owner and chef of Lofty's Bistro. It would rock. Great food, great wine list and poll-dancing.

7. If you could, one time only, travel back in time, would you do it and what choices would you make differently? If "yes", then, are you insane?

Don't think I would change anything in my life. If I could travel back in time, though, I would sit on the grassy knoll with high-tech recording devices and figure out what really happened to JFK.

8. Do you play an instrument? Are you good? (Answering: "Yes, the skin flute, and I'm great!", is not acceptable).

Kazoo. I can't read music nor play anything. Never exposed to music lessons as a child. I am hoping my son will be able to play guitar and pick up chicks like John Mayer.

9. What is the biggest mistake you have made professionally?

I really can't think of one. I have no regrets whatsoever.

10. How would you kill yourself if you were forced to move to France?

I would break into wine cellars all over the country and kill myself by drinking all of their first-growth bordeaux (think leaving Las Vegas).

11. Worst part of your job?

Taking care of patients who simply don't care about their diabetes or health in general.

Best part?

Helping my female type 1 diabetics deliver healthy babies.

12. How certain are you that God does / does not exist? Give percentages.

I say 50/50. I guess I hope there is an afterlife that is nice and comfortable so I can see friends and family again. I just don't know. It's so hard to just believe based on faith. Anyone who says they believe 100% is foolish in my opinion. You hope 100%, you don't know 100%.


  1. Does poll-dancing involve interns or Press-Ganey?

  2. Here's a 3rd Haiku Lofty ...

    Detroit Lions Suck
    Again Again Again Lose
    Worser than Every Team

    and Don't give me that "I'm a foreigner so I don't like Football" crap...

    "What really happened to JFK???????"

    Lee Harvey Oswald shot him


    My word verification is "Ass Hungr"

  3. Speaking of "poll dancing", how y'all liking this Obama feller?

  4. you funney and your eye so round.