Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The MDOD Vocabulary Contest




BEHOLD THE CHILD, OBAMOPRAH! ALL PRAISE HER, UHH, WORTHINESS-NESS.











I'm searching for a word, but exactly the right word. "Pitiful" is close but far too commonly used. "Delusional" is close but may not be right. I think the best word may have to come from profanity. Here's the story.

There's a dude we see here every week or two, always by ambulance, and he's here again today. He drinks enough to sink a ship but he is still afloat. He is very hard to understand and to the extent I could understand him today I understand that he is short of breath. That's it. I thought. Until I went in a second time and he added "sore chest" but that's really not important even though you will be paying for his admission. He's also got Rhinophyma, which is merely an interesting aside and you may look it up if you like.

Here's the problem. This guy has no home to speak of... maybe a shack, he has no money, but he does manage to go to the local 'health food store' where he stocks up on relatively expensive herbal medicine. He's got about twenty bottles of the stuff. On the top someone has labelled their uses... one says, "for heartburn" and it contains some root of some sort in some concentration. Another says, for "locked bowels" and has some other herb in it in some other concentration. So this guy is a health-conscious guy, dutifully paying probably half his SSI check a month to the natural health food store for 'food supplements' with, charitably, barely greater than placebo effect. But then he cops the ambulance ride when he gets sick. I mean, why not go to the health food store? So, what is the name for this (and I will not accept 'ironic', dontcha think)? I mean, the natural cures are not working dude, especially not with the lice... especially not with them.

Oh, and a big MDOD congratulations to Iranian president-elect (and kookoo-bird from the pits of hell) achmidinijad (phonetic, sorry) on winning a huge victory in a free and fair election which is a bit of a surprise since Obama was putting his full weight behind the other guy.... shocker. Israel into the sea! 'Bout time, running all the world banks and Hollywood and the trilateralist commision and killing Jesus and baking rolls with children's blood and all. 'Bout time. I do like Jerry Seinfeld though.

FOR THOSE OF YOU NEW TO MDOD THIS LAST PARAGRAPH IS BEST CLASSIFIED AS DARK HUMOR, SATIRE, A JOKE, WHATEVER. IF WE DON'T STOP IRAN'S NUKE PROGRAM THOUGH THE ABOVE MAY HAPPEN AND THE GREAT DUO OF OBAMA AND OPRAH WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SAVE US EVEN IF THEY WERE TO MATE AND PRODUCE OBAMOPRAH. SERIOUSLY, NOT EVEN THEN.

17 comments:

  1. If I may offer..

    *the herbs are a paradoxical talisman of health

    *this is overcompensated self medication

    *shit-for-brained parasite in need of placement.

    ..but I'm sure someone can do MUCH better!!


    Pattie, RN

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  2. *happy sigh*

    Vintage 911Doc post.

    Me likee.

    Obamoprah.

    *gigglesnort*

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  3. So was Obama doing the right thing in trying to oppose this guys reelection?

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  4. Only went into a health food store once in my life, and that was cause I was stalking, I mean following a hot girl... I get my Herbal Enhancements the old fashioned way, from my Oriental Neighbor, in exchange for some western style Viagra... I think the crushed Rhino horn works better...

    Frank

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  5. dear anonymous,
    only if you like THE JEWS!

    lackwit, now that's an oldie but goodie.

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  6. I think Smilin' Bob there has enzyted us taxpayers in this omega threesome.

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  7. Honestly 911, he's probably mentally ill.

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  8. amy,
    who do you mean?
    achmadinijead, anon, or obamoprah... a jew?

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  9. I suggest the phrase "loosely integrated".

    The more recently evolved and untrustworthy intellectual part of his mind wants herbal medicines to work in the ideal world that he imagines.

    The "reptilian" part of his brain, evolved through harsh reality, sees the emergency department as his best chance for survival.

    This is often seen in liberals who build public programs on lofty ideals, but give a different experience to their own children.

    Andrew_M_Garland
    EasyOpinions

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. Hey, I once saw this kid for a cold at 4am! If I'd known she was The Obamoprah, I'd have genuflected, and treated the fever with Holy Water immersion instead of Tylenol.

    Igloodoc does it again. LOL.

    Seriously 911, did you consider that your rhinophyma patient might be mentally ill? (I know that's in the "Doctor Book" somewhere. We should look it up sometime).

    P.S. Herbal Supplements/Meds= Grass Clippings

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  12. Forking over money to pay for herbals while letting us pay his hospital bill. Gotta love the irony. I'll know the world is coming to an end when illegal aliens get Social Security. Oh. Wait. That's being discussed. Damn, better start packing my bags.

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  13. Sorry 911. You know I don't mean Jews. I would even argue that Ahmadinejad is not mentally ill but a narcisist.

    Your patient on the other hand is probably very mentally ill.

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  14. Supposedly the Bush Administration reached some sort of back room compromise with Iran (or they had the cojones to threaten them) to back off with their meddling in Iraq & Afghanistan. If Obama had openly opposed "blinky-madinejad", it could have been very problematic for the US military.

    That said, I'd love to see the current Iranian leadership overthrown by the people.

    I wonder......wasn't the Bush administration's plan for the middle east to sew the seeds of democracy in Iraq and hope that it spread to the surrounding countries? I heard endlessly that their plan would never work, but it seems to me as if I see people in neighboring countries demanding democracy. Will anyone give Bush credit? Probably not, they'll say it was the hope-bama that has been spread throughout the world.

    And seriously 911. Did you ever consider that the patient (and Ahmadinejad too for that matter) is probably very mentally ill? Can you find him (or wait for him to appear in the ER again today or tomorrow) and then consider it?

    Then you could spend all day trying to find a psychiatrist to see him. But of course, none of them will call you back since the dude has no cash ('cept for booze and shack supplies).

    Insurance companies take too long to pay psychiatrist bills and make them fill out too many forms in order to get paid, and the government limits payments to psychiatrists so much that they won't see M/M patients.

    So, you could take another route and try to get him admitted to a psych hospital! Of course, the private places are out since he's not Brittany or Lindsay. So, there's the government places. But they're full, understaffed, will seldom return your calls (and even then only after 2 or 3 hours), will keep you on the phone for 1/2 an hour or more asking irrelevant questions, and ultimately either refuse to take him, or say that they'll "talk" to him, but will not admit him.

    Finally, you could show compassion and go way out on a limb (to those teeny little branches where the leaves are, where the lawyers love to find us) and write a Rx for his mental illness (whatever it is...since that's not your specialty or training). Once you guess at what it is (which in the real world takes quite a long time for a trained psychiatrist), guess at a medicine for it, and write an Rx....SURE he'll take it and get all better.

    OUCH!

    The flowers that grew out of my butt were roses and the thorns really hurt.

    -85

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  15. erdoc85,

    OT, but you're right about Bush adding a 2nd - this time Arab - democracy in the Middle East.

    People saw an Iraqi throw shoes at Bush, and the Iraqi was not immediately drawn and quartered. The last thing the Middle East mullahs and assorted dictators want is people power.

    And, now the mighty are seeing people power. Bush will get no credit for it.

    As Reagan said: you can get a lot accomplished, if you don't care who takes credit for it.

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  16. Gotta love how people go to the chiro or witchdoctor for preventative touchy feely stuff but NEVER for acute treatment. Funny how that works.

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