Friday, July 10, 2009

Ask / Answer

Ask / Answer. Askanswer. Asskanser. Asscancer. Ass Cancer.

If you are a sex-machine-hot-as-shit-big-tittied-blonde-bombshell, what would your worst nightmare be? Probably something like this:

1. Die the same day some massively famous weirdo with a fake face croaks while spanking it to pictures in the local cub-scout handbook (speculation).

2. Look 40 years older than you are.

3. Die of Ass Cancer.

Yes, I had the poster and “used” it several times as a boy (and teen, and young adult, and old adult). Yes, I watched that lame girl detective show, and no, it was not for those brown haired hags. So it made me very sad when the first call I got after the news of this yellow haired vixen’s death from one of my sensitive colleagues went something like this: “So, you think she took it up the shooter?”

Human Papilloma Virus is a cause of cervical, and yes, ass cancer. So, Gisele, Kate, Brooklyn, remember, no glove, no butt love.


  1. Ouch!

    I was trying to explain the Farrah obsession in the 70's to my kids. I showed them "The Poster". They didn't get it. It was too tame by today's "standards".

    David Dukes should have spoken at her funeral. He could have talked about how she brought whites and blacks together to as a universal sex symbol, but of course pointed out that she was "one of ours".

    Wonder how THAT would have gone over? Wonder how many in the media would have defended THAT one like they are rushing to defend Al Sharpton's ridiculous comments?

  2. what is the literary term for what you just did here? metonomy? synechdoche? ribald rhymery? assonant evolution? that's it. assonant evolution of words. beautiful piece... brought a tear.

  3. I was always more of a Nancy Drew man...

  4. I had to break it to a fan of the blonde and friend of mine that it was NOT colo-rectal CA as he had been mistakenly informed. Then I had to explain how it was contracted. I think I broke the heart of his thirteen year old inner child!

    Pattie, RN

  5. Regardless of how it was contracted, she didn't hide it. And she performed a public service with her documentary "Farrah's Story". She handled her illness and treatment with dignity and grace. I'm a hospice nurse, and peaceful deaths are the provence of those who have faced their lives and made peace with their fate. From all accounts, Farrah died as she lived her final months, with dignity and grace.

  6. So Liz,

    How did you feel about her end-of-life documentary? Did any of your patients watch it?

    I had mixed feelings about it. I didn't watch it. If it made her feel better then more power to her.

  7. I haven't discussed with any of my patients whether or not they watched it. I think, from watching it, that she made it out of anger towards her illness, and that she was more compelled to do it rather than that she was hoping it might make her feel better. She did hope that it might help to educate...she hoped that it would increase efforts to find a cure.

    I was previously an oncology nurse and found the documentary to be an accurate depiction of the suffering experienced by many cancer patients. She wasn't a whiner, either.

    She wanted to live, but the answer was that she would die. She was able to accept this, however reluctantly, and that takes a measure of courage.

    Hey, for someone whose whole life and career centered on her looks, it was truly brave to be seen on TV at the absolute lowest point of her life (physically). I just think (hope) that there was more to her than many give her credit for.

  8. I'm sorry, but poop-shoot lovin' is just plain gross. Call me a dinosaur, but I have other receptacles that are far more accommodating - and a lot more fun.

  9. Gah!

    Its bad enough reading an evil, no-glovin' no-lovin post of Eto's, butt...a Billy May's commercial came on the tube as I was reading.

  10. Now Lynn, don't go gettin' the OF all stirred up!!!

  11. Lynn's right ... Exit Only!

  12. HPV causes other types of cancer, too. We just had a 34 year old woman with squamous cell carcinoma of the tonsil have her radical neck dissection. Never smoked or dipped snuff, but tested positive for Type 16 HPV.

  13. Ya know, that's what I was thinking. When I first heard about Farrah's cancer I totally suspected 'misbehavior'.....but I know that cancer sometimes arises spontaneously or from reasons that may never be known.

    I like to give the benefit of the doubt.

  14. C. Joe---yep, here that this one is starting to show up at EENT's offices now. Used 'ta be you had to be a hard-drinking chain smoker to get throat CA. Now you can get it from playing the skin flute or muff-diving!