Monday, August 10, 2009

Contest

As both a physician and a small business owner, anyone that wishes to get me a Christmas gift can get me the industrial sized KY jelly, 'cause Uncle Sam is most likely about to double-dong me, without so much as the courtesy of a reach around. So, in light of the recent health care reform (now they have changed the wording to health insurance) debate I propose a contest. I would like someone to find a government program, military excluded (God bless the troops), which:

1. Functions as described.
2. Is efficient.
3. Has gotten smaller since its inception, or done away with after its initial need was met.
4. Benefits ALL Americans, and is contributed to by ALL Americans.
5. Is not on the verge of bankruptcy or already insolvent.

Shrieker Nancy now says that protests are Un-American --where, oh where was she when the ACORNers, New Black Panthers, and every college kid in American(after a couple bong hits) was protesting Bush at every turn. I say let the market forces work as they should. Someone has a need, someone else has a product or solution, and a transaction is made. Market forces are what built this country. It wasn't a central gov't dictating where thing were to be built, at what price things were to be sold, and who had to sell or buy them. Sleeping dog China didn't become a threat economically or militarily until their gov't loosened the reigns somewhat and entreprenours started to flourish. We seem to be headed in the opposite direction.

Young healthy people can buy catastrophic policies and tuck a little away for routine visits, and if they choose not to they should have to pay out of pocket. Cigs are now $5 per pack; at 1-2 packs/day that comes to $150 - $300 per month, easily paying for a policy for a healthy young person, even working min wage. Yes, choices have to be made. Instead of overhauling everything, hardship cases can be paid for on an individual basis, and let those that qualify be enrolled in the current state Medicaid and Medicare systems, but certainly don't expand an already bankrupt program. If your apt. burns down without renter insurance does someone buy your stuff back for you, or if your homeowner policy lapses, does someone rebuild your house? No and no.

The winner of the contest will get a lap dance by Doc 911.

37 comments:

  1. OK, S cat, I have a nominee:

    http://www.ncpa.org/pub/ba514

    OK, technically that was a private solution to a public problem, but you set up an impossible contest, so I bet I will come closest to making 911 nervous.

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  2. "The Tuskegee Study of Untreated Syphillis in the Negro Male"
    Government Healthcare at it's Finest...

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  3. Frank that cracks me up

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  4. Dear God. I think Frank won.

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  5. i am warning you... i can be very scary in a thong.

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  6. Can you find one small enuff??!!

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  7. touche, oldfart, but mine works.

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  8. Considering the prize, I don't want to enter the contest. Let's agree that Frank won and then you can post pictures of the beneficiary receiving his prize.

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  9. Are you going to T-bag him?

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  10. 911, how do you know Of's doesnt?

    You boys just crack me up.

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  11. i assume it doesn't because he's fucking old. no t-bag... he wouldn't do it well and might bite.

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  12. I concede! I failed to anticipate just how politically incorrect Frank would go in an effort to win this valuable prize.

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  13. Hey, I'm not the one who treated Tertiary Syphillis with Tic Tacs...anyway, I'll concede to Old Fart, heard he's just a blue pill away from bein Soylent Green...

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  14. Hey, 911, I'm a cripple , you can't make fun of me! We have a rule against doing that!
    Oh wait, no we don't...

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  15. U.S. Parks and Wildlife....with the caveat that there is no program public or private that is contributed to by all Americans.

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  16. Oh yes Trident 5! Another horse is in the race. I was having trouble with the whole 911DOC/Frank hook-up deal.

    -SCNS

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  17. That's what makes the contest so difficult; there are a vast number of non-contributors who don't have a stake in the game but enjoy the outcome-winners every time. Flat taxers unite! 15% of every dollar made- how hard is that. The 800 lb gorrilla that is the tax code and cheats along with it disappear overnight. (the tax code actually only weighs 786 pounds) The park service is in the lead right now, and it will most likely be tough to beat.

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  18. oldfart,
    you are a caucasian cripple and the two pretty much cancel out but i think i can still make fun of you due to your overwhelming whiteness. honkey, cracker bitch.

    the park service? hmmm... i do love me some yellowstone, i just wish they would let me hunt there.

    'cat, if the tax code weighs 786 pounds that means it is heavier than my last two patients combined, but only just, and my last two patients combined paid 0$ in taxes last year and 0$ for their hospital admission and fine-tooth-combing of their self-induced adult onset diabetes and heart disease resultant of their silly BMIs and AODM. since i actually work at a good hospital now i am currently the recipient of a relatively new phenomena... the EMS 100 mile transport past three other hospitals... the reason? we are the best hospital and they want to come see us and 'momma cain't get up the stairs at home and her doctor don't know shit. 5$ for the EMS ride would, evidently, stop this craziness because neither of these gargantuan blobs had been taking their meds because if they did they wouldn't be able to afford their cigarettes. life is full of choices.

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  19. I love the ad campaign I saw in Florida on a billboard that had some paramedics standing in front of an ambulance. It said "This is not a taxi."

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  20. Uncle Sam is most likely about to double-dong me, without so much as the courtesy of a reach around

    It could be. I saw on the Discovery channel that sharks have two dongs.

    Also, is Doc911 male or female or both? It's an important motivational detail there.

    Shrodinger's Cat: Here's your ambulance.

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  21. Post office (which competes but has not destroyed private competition), interstate highway system, Tennesee Valley Authority, NASA if not currently productive is at least scaling back in size.

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  22. Since I can't beat Frank's Tuskegee submission, and I don't want 911's lap dance, I'll violate rule 4b and submit the French Revolutionary Tribunal and their use of the Guillotine.

    1. The kangaroo court found people guilty and sentenced them to die, and the guillotine worked perfectly.

    2. The court very efficiently convicted people without much evidence. No "dream team" defense scum-bag attorneys. If the guillotine didn't do it's job on the first try, it always worked by the 10th or 12th try. (that's very efficient by government standards).

    3. It's gotten so small since it's inception in the 1790's that it's gone now! A miracle for any government program.

    4a. Benefited all Americans by reducing the numbers of French, thus reducing the numbers of Americans that would eventually have to die fighting their battles for them.

    4b. I can't meet this obligation with this example, thus I can't claim the lap dance. I'll have to settle for a table dance.

    5. Lopping heads was cheap. One guillotine could do the work of hundreds of axes. Very efficient and inexpensive system. Program probably ended very solvent (I can't find any Excel spreadsheets from Robspierre, but I have it on good authority that there was enough in the budget left at the end of the "Reign of Terror" to take the whole Revolutionary Council out to Steak and Ale for a grand celebration.

    -85

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  23. Why do you guys hate the French so much? Did you hate them before they refused to support our war or after?

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  24. I won't even justify that with an answer.

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  25. ...Did you hate them before they refused to support our war or after?

    Before.

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  26. The National Park Service? Are you kidding me? It gets larger every year and they are adept at denying access to our supposed public lands. Just try to get permission to enter the Back Country in Yellowstone; you ain't gettin' it (although, I have sneaked in). Just try to get permission to access any portion of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. They do some good things, but have extended themselves far beyond the original purpose of their mission.

    And, 'cat, it ain't a flat tax if it is assessed against every dollar earned. That still exempts the vast fortunes amassed by others that support the oppulent lifestyles of many extreme left-wingers (e.g., Teresa Hienz-Kerry, the Kennedy clan). A flat assessment against every dollar spent will capture the tax avoiders in the Hamptons, along with those in the underground economy, such as drug dealers, illegal gamblers, politicians that take bribes, etc.

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  27. I have always hated the French, even as a little boy. It was something I was born with, like fear of heights and the bogeyman. It was only as an adult and after 3 trips to France that I found out why. Just thinking about it brings back smells of B.O. and cheap cologne.

    CJ

    You are correct. A tax on dollars spent does seem more appropriate.

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  28. Cat..I want to see that EMS sign!!!

    85..Guillotine..A very elegant device when used for definitive therapy for hemorrhoids..
    Me thinks ms2 needs a treatment..
    Dumb Little Fuck, let's just put him out his (and our) misery now. No more lingering around our Blog..

    "DLF"..the new pseudonym for those who bother us..

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  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  30. OF

    I should have taken a picture. Here is another one in Austrailia.

    http://www.health.nsw.gov.au/news/2008/20081123_00.html

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  31. Cat..Thanks but that doesn't bring out the point like a picture. (Gee, I coulda been a surgeon!)And it's in a country with a reasonable seemblance of socialized medicine..

    When I was a resident(no laughs yo!)my hospital was at the center of town. EMS has a $40/yr family subscription plan where they would only bill for your insurance. BIG mistake. We soon called them AmCab. As in call us for free ride to ANY hospital in town(we were the hub of the wheel) where,upon arrival, they suddenly did not need medical attention any longer. Couldn't be refused (Wez gots yor enshorance!!)And then they just walked over to the liqour store for cold malt beverage..

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  32. I don't appreciate you saying "every college kid." I don't want to be grouped in with the rest of the idiots.

    Some of us we're working our rear ends off trying to get the other idiots to realize that Obama is bad, guns in responsible citizen's hands are good, and medicaid is not insurance.

    But what do I know? I'm just a dumb kid.

    I'm kidding.

    Also, American Idol is the answer to your search. I'll pass on 911's lap dance.

    celebrityconspiracytheories.com/2008/04/government-funded-american-idol-mind.html

    -EE

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  33. Um, that should be were, instead of we're.

    Baby is asleep on my chest, hard to type while balancing him!

    -EE

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  34. Fair enough, my young EE. But a majority of the misguided youth did fall for his trance. They were asked guilt ridden questions, which, in a haze of cheetos and Mexican schwag weed, would sound good:

    Do you want to save the whales?
    Do you want to stick it to big oil?
    Do you want to atone for your forefathers sins by voting for a (half) black man?
    Do you feel that humans should be exterminated and let animals run the planet?
    Do you want to do nothing for yourself and let the government wipe your zit faced little ass?

    Now, if some dip shit ACORNer stopped a kid on his way in the door to 7-11 to get a big gulp, powdered donuts, and a huge bag of chips, this blurry eyed doe would probably answer yes to all the question so as to not seem "insensitive", not knowing he is sealing his fate to mediocracy and drowning in a sea of retarded sexuality. (movie anyone?)

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  35. Sorry, "treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality"

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  36. "It's such a fine line, between stupid and clever."

    I understand, just had to prove that we're not all a bunch of idiots. ;)

    Though, I may be. I just took the MCAT...that means I might be a doctor...and with all yall's warnings, I'm still in pursuit of this darn medical degree!

    -EE

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