The MDOD Douchebag of the Month

Well, he says he's mad as hell but as it turns out in actually listening to his paid-for drivel he's only slightly disgruntled... So that's where I'll start. Right off the cuff he's either a bad actor or a liar or both.

Then the list grows really long. This ER doc out in the mossy green woods of the northwest has taken it upon himself to speak for the entirety of the Emergency Medicine community in much the same way that Pee-Wee Herman spoke for all actors when he was arrested in that movie theater. Hey, Doc, I'm sure that in your Portland Free Thinkers meetings everyone believes you are all that and a bag of chips but the Emperor has no clothes Doc, and you, sir, are the Emperor.

If you tried to watch this puff piece on bought and paid for MSNBC, but found yourself running to the toilet to toss up your lunch then let me tell you the highlights.

This self-important Douche and some of his like-minded herbalists one day just up and decided to drive a bus to DC to protest the craziness, NOT of Obamacare, NOT of free stuff for everyone absent consequences, but of NOT passing a bill which will nationalize 1/6th of the economy, create a giant new class of bureaucratic gentry, and hamstring both physicians and patients in ways only dreamed of by the Marquis de Sade. The conversation here will show that I am not a lone voice on this one, which makes Dr. Douche's pirating of our position even more maddening (and careful of piling-on for one Dr. Hinson seems to have the power of ultimate salvation and damnation right at the tip of his fingers and he WILL send you to the hot place).

I'm sure the most difficult thing Dr. Douche will deal with on his trip is finding fuel grade biodiesel and veggie burgers in Montana... In fact, when you drive through Montana I'd lay low on the signage and the Obama worship Doc... Farmers and Cowboys live out there and they would, with just a whiff of your caravan of stupidity, probably loose a few rounds from their 30.0.6 s in your general direction while 'varmint huntin'. Nobody around for a hundred miles you know and that wind swallows up sound.

But really all of this is just surface level dislike for this woodsy-hippie-douchebag, the real stupidity comes when he opens his mouth and opines that the best way to solve all our ills in medicine is to OUTLAW INSURANCE COMPANIES. Now when he says this he is upset that the insurance companies make a profit. So, to take this to it's logical conclusion, he WANTS the government to take this over AND WANTS THEM TO LOSE MONEY. Well sunshine this is just super and has been tried a few times before in countries that generally had to be rescued by the 101st Airborne or the 1st MEU, but lets be clear... what you are arguing FOR is failure... failure of the monstrous and impersonal government to cover expenses while stepping in for the private sector. You are therefore arguing for higher taxes and perpetual cost increases just like with the post office and the DMV. You are a douche on many, many levels, and not a scented one either.

You had me at hello Dr. Pumpernickle, but when you tell us that Obama is a victim... a victim in all this! Well then you travel to the other side of the moon and take your proud place with the Nostradamus and Da Vinci Code crowd. Hint, hint... It's the remnant of the Knights Templars in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan (and the Bilderbergers) who are victimizing Obama, and turning public opinion against his plan (and for all of you out there who are in the know, the sparrow flies at midnight, repeat, the sparrow flies at midnight).

He then runs through the Holy Grail (nice extension of theme eh?) of cuckoo-bird hippie freak liberal conspiracy theory by mentioning his belief that drug companies are mercenary as they cure disease because they turn a profit, that he prefers FASCISM to private enterprise (because he believes that the state should control private business), that profits are bad, that he and his ilk are completely qualified to say how much profit is okay and how much is too much, that we have a 'moral imperative' for 'universal access' (which we have now) though I will bet my sweet aunt sally that he doesn't even understand what he means because to believe in morals indicates a belief in a true right and wrong and he's a relativist or I'm a monkey's uncle.

Enough. I have to go throw up again. But understand folks, that my douchebag academic college, ACEP, has stepped in its own vaginal secretions yet again by bringing in, as it's keynote speaker at our national convention, Paul Begala, fluffer-footman to the left, annoying and, until last year, irrelevant, angry man. A political hack at our national convention telling us what we have to do. Screw you ACEP. Screw you Dr. Pumpernickle, for you are a complete and total douchebag. And obtw, be sure to look up Dr. Deborah Peel whilst in Washington as you two have a lot in common extending, perhaps, to your taste for wine spritzers.


Addendum: Thanks to Lofty for this unsurprising surprise. I am the great and powerful OZ!