METHODS: A randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled trial was not conducted. In this way our research is at least as robust as that which produced the Baker-Wang 'pain scale'. Instead of doing really complicated stuff, we just asked, 'How big is your penis'. All answers were taken at face value, not verified by clinical exam, insight, or objective measures, and duly noted on important documents that are now in the possession of the FBPI.
RESULTS: HOW BIG IS YOUR PENIS?
About six inches
Like a Pepsi can
About four inches
A useless nubbin
I have a vagina
CONCLUSIONS: Kidrock says, "Pussy and blow, that's how I live", and his disciples crowd the nation's ERs. To get either it is sometimes necessary to stretch the truth. Hence we see 11% of poll respondents calling their junk "fucking huge", and this equates well to those who rate their pain as anything greater than 10 (on a scale of one to 10). Another 6% rate their penis as "ginormous", which is, to most, even bigger than 'fucking huge" so these respondents may be safely grouped with the former group, making for a 17% damned liar categorization.
3% of the male populous may be hung like Sheriff Bart or me, but I doubt it. If you don't know who Sheriff Bart is then you are either young or humorless... below is an instructive video.
20% answered, "about six inches", and this is, in fact, about right.
If your penis is "like a pepsi can", you are either a fan of Borat and wanted to let us know how almost hip you are five years after the fact, or you have elephantiasis/lypmphatic filariasis and you are sick.
"Four inches"... sorry dude, but good on you for admitting it. A monastic life for you or a mail order bride.
A "useless nubbin". What kind of man calls his twig and berries a 'useless nubbin'? Either a very cagey pick-up artist or Michael Moore, both liars, add 5% to the "liar" side of the ledger.
Finally, 46% of our poll respondents are female? I think not. No matter. I have no doubt that we have many trans-gender readers and a hearty huzzah! to you all.
Therefore, we conclude that asking someone to rate their pain on a scale of one to ten is less accurate than asking a dude how big his penis is. A coin flip would be better.
BOTTOM LINE: Doctors must combine of a good patient history with a solid physical exam (and sprinkle in some imaging or labs as appropriate) to properly assess a patient's pain control needs.
Future MDOD research studies to include...
1. How high is up?
2. Why is air?
3. Who farted?