This is a love letter to you DFAS. I love the process. I love how you have managed to have computers make decisions for you! Skynet is definitely aware (to hear you tell it). Wow, I didn't know we could do that yet!
And I love it, absolutely LOVE IT that the pay mistake was my fault. I can't figure it out yet, but I'm working on it... I don't pretend to operate on your level of superhuman logic.... but one must try. Hell, I can't do Calculus, but at one point I could do a little of it....
I am also pleased that you have decided to dock my pay in accordance with the money I stole from the government. Every paycheck a different number. What are you trying to tell me? I can't figure it out, but when I do I expect a moment of clarity, an epiphany even, that will, no doubt, change my life.
As a result of this process which is, evidently, still ongoing, and has taken ten months to this point, I have become a more dedicated worker for you. I am going to start paying lots more attention to process and to systems for they never fail. And human reason, well, we all know what happens when that is let out of it's cage. My charts are going to reflect my newfound love of process... just you watch DFAS!! I SWEAR!
And, since this wonderful learning opportunity started for me, I have become much more interested in organizational charts, and, I do believe, I have found the master chart created by Dear Leader which shows exactly you fit into the wonderfully wonderfully wonderful government. I would come personally to your underground bunker (wherever it is) and hug you all for this lesson that I have received. It is definitely worth every bit of the fifteen thousand dollars. How could I put a price on the kind of wisdom YOU have granted me??
So I must ask you D.F.A.S., did I pull the correct organizational chart? The one under my signature? I think I see you guys squarely in circle eight. Keep up with what you are doing and I have no doubt you can move down quickly.
Forever loyal, forever yours, forever grateful. And if you are looking for new employees might I suggest looking up a certain 'CannedAm', she, no offense intended, could run your entire agency right now.
Your Humble Servant,
Drone
Quit your whinin 9-11....there, oh excuse me,
ReplyDelete"They're" just takin "there", I mean "their" money back. And by "their" I mean Uncle Sam, the American Taxpayers, all 51% of em...
I feel your strain Brother...
As a nubile Navy 0-3 fresh out of Internship I had 6 months of getting paid as an O-3 with 6 years instead of an O-3 with No years, seems DFAS confused the date I entered Med School with the Day I became an O-3...
and yes, I did Med School under the 5 year plan, a new concept that didn't catch on..
Its sort of like that "Year Abroad" thang, except instead of smoking dope in Amsterdam I did it in LA...
Hope you spent your windfall wisely, like I did...
Hey, I didn't need a paycheck for 4 months...
Frank
Dr. Frank, hi from the river city. Really now 10 games ahead??????? Say hi to Chip for me, will ya?
ReplyDeleteAah, Military non-pay.
ReplyDeleteI was on a boat in the Pacific when I went No Pay Due, as my BAH had continued for 6 months while I was in Housing... Oh, and my pay records were conveniently housed on shore.
PSD is one of the big reasons I got out as soon as I did.
And just wait till you try and use some of your vacation time...
ReplyDeleteThey used to have this policy that you couldn't combine leave and "Liberty" which never made any sense to me until I realized that "Liberty" is Marine-ese for "Weekend"...
Just like "M****C*nt" means "Female Marine"
So if your were takin Mon-Friday off, you had to check back in at 4:59pm Friday, or you'd get charged for the Weekend to, even if you WERE WORKING THAT @#$%^&! WEEKEND!!!
And I DID call in at 4:59pm.
Too bad I was in California, y'see you were supposed to be in the local area when you checked back in, and no caller ID back then, they just asked where I was, and I was too stupid, I mean too honest to lie...
And when I went to PSD at Camp Lejeune to find out why I had a -16 day leave balance instead of my regular -14...
Nice thing about bein a Navy doc at a Marine base, approving your own leave papers...
I didn't even get past the front door, y'see the Navy puts the Meanest, Baddest, Mo-Fo's this side of the SEALS in PSD, in fact most of em' are SEALS washouts, with 24 inch Pythons.
Big Arms too, and nasty personalities, cause they know exactly how much everyone makes. In fact, only time I went to PSD was to pick up my annual Doctor bonus, which for some reason they wouldn't direct deposit...
And instead of being $15,000 like the Navy promised, it was like $10,800, you know, after Federal/State/FICA/Marcellus.
Marcellus was the 6'5" 240 Parade All American 5 Star Defensive End that even UGA wouldn't recruit because of his "Character" issues...
And he'd literally make the doctors tapdance for THEIR checks...
I did anyway...
Frank