This is a love letter to you DFAS. I love the process. I love how you have managed to have computers make decisions for you! Skynet is definitely aware (to hear you tell it). Wow, I didn't know we could do that yet!
And I love it, absolutely LOVE IT that the pay mistake was my fault. I can't figure it out yet, but I'm working on it... I don't pretend to operate on your level of superhuman logic.... but one must try. Hell, I can't do Calculus, but at one point I could do a little of it....
I am also pleased that you have decided to dock my pay in accordance with the money I stole from the government. Every paycheck a different number. What are you trying to tell me? I can't figure it out, but when I do I expect a moment of clarity, an epiphany even, that will, no doubt, change my life.
As a result of this process which is, evidently, still ongoing, and has taken ten months to this point, I have become a more dedicated worker for you. I am going to start paying lots more attention to process and to systems for they never fail. And human reason, well, we all know what happens when that is let out of it's cage. My charts are going to reflect my newfound love of process... just you watch DFAS!! I SWEAR!
And, since this wonderful learning opportunity started for me, I have become much more interested in organizational charts, and, I do believe, I have found the master chart created by Dear Leader which shows exactly you fit into the wonderfully wonderfully wonderful government. I would come personally to your underground bunker (wherever it is) and hug you all for this lesson that I have received. It is definitely worth every bit of the fifteen thousand dollars. How could I put a price on the kind of wisdom YOU have granted me??
So I must ask you D.F.A.S., did I pull the correct organizational chart? The one under my signature? I think I see you guys squarely in circle eight. Keep up with what you are doing and I have no doubt you can move down quickly.
Forever loyal, forever yours, forever grateful. And if you are looking for new employees might I suggest looking up a certain 'CannedAm', she, no offense intended, could run your entire agency right now.
Your Humble Servant,
Drone
