Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Like many Americans, you may have occasional bloating or constipation. Activia, prunes, or even Miralax haven't helped clear the estimated 6 lbs. of waste in your colon. Tonight provides the perfect opportunity to cleanse your colon and purge the waste. Take your laptop, and sit on the commode to stream the president's state of the union speech. Be forewarned, there may be some cramping and sweating so tell the family not to be alarmed, but if you are a critical thinking person who knows a little about history and economics, are concerned about the country, and not just when your check will arrive, or what time the abortion clinic opens, or when your partner will be back from the courthouse with your marriage certificate, then I assure you this will be explosive. It is involuntary and you will shit like a caged animal. The first movement will be when he tells you we are on the right path. The second will be when he tells you it will take a while to clean up this mess he inherited (can you really inherit a mess you made?) The third will be when he tells you non citizens have a right to the free stuff just like all the other people that voted for him, and he doesn't care how much debt he has to accumulate to give it to them. The final explosion will be when he says we just need to do a little more; more money for those shovel ready jobs, solar panel companies and battery companies we can sell to China. We just haven't done enough, and we just need to remove a little more cash from the productive private sector to jump start this economy with non productive, non producing crap hole projects. History be damned. No matter that Hoover and then Roosevelt extended the Depression 6-7 years longer than necessary with make work projects, regulations, subsidies, a war on the private sector, and handouts, with unemployment averaging 18-20 per cent throughout the 30s. I guess then it would have been a fireside chat that got the bowels moving in that day and age, but I think most people were either stupid or duped and just retained their feces. Or that the trillions spent trying to fulfill Johnson's "war on poverty" has left us with a higher percentage in poverty now than in 1963. Screw that. Those guys just didn't know what they were doing. Regardless of the exact content of the speech, I assure you that tomorrow morning I will have a colon you could eat off of. Libtards can use this time alone with the community activist in chief to masturbate themselves into a socialist frenzy. Either way take some extra toilet paper.
Posted by shrodingers cat at Tuesday, February 12, 2013