Monday, April 07, 2008
Dr. Q was one of those guys who wanted to be a doctor since he was 6. And not just ANY old doctor, but the Double-Dog-Dare of docs, a heart surgeon. The Navy had thrown a little rusty hemostat into his plans as Dr. Q would have to spend a few years diagnosing pilot's runny noses until leaving for Surgery residency and hopefully, cardiothoracic fellowship. He could tell you all about the different types of pacemakers and valves and coronary anatomical variants. Dr.Q just had one little problem (besides the fact he was 5'2" and had a voice like Sara Jessica Parker, but thats another story). He was CLUMSY!! Not just occasional "Oops"clumsy, but Homer Simpson melting down the Reactor clumsy. We did vasectomies at our clinic, primarily so we didn't have to see as many malingerers/patients at sickcall. One afternoon I recieved a stat overhead page to the procedure room, something that never happened, figuring it was a joke, I slipped on my Goucho Marx glasses and went to see what prank awaited me. Entering the room I was greeted by Dr. Q wearing his Lupes. Retreating to the corner, he whispered "I can't find the Vas!!"(The Vas is the little tube that carries you-know-what that you have to snip ) going into Marcus Welby mode, I reassuringly said "no big deal, the vas can be tricky to find sometimes..) "NO" he said, "I can't find the specimens" Dr. Q had indeed expertly clipped both sides and removed a segment to insure no ambitious sperm would ever make it out, however the vital tubes were nowhere to be found. Sort of important, as they had to be sent to the pathologist to prove we had removed the right thing. The patient never even looked up from his Maxim while this Tom Foolery went on, just satisfied he was getting his military free medical procedure. After a few minutes, we found one vas stuck up under the mayo stand, the other hiding under a sponge. Not being sure which was the left and which was the right, we guessed, and added (Mayo Stand) and (Sheet) to the specimen description space on the pathology form. Dr. Q is now a respected heart surgeon misplacing more important parts.
Posted by Frank Drackman at Monday, April 07, 2008