Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Canoe


Have you ever been in a canoe? Just wondering, because this body I just cut open and then removed all of the internal organs from tongue to anus, looks exactly like a canoe. The body, with its empty ribcage and abdominal cavity flayed open, would probably float if I tossed it in the local pond. All I need is a wooden paddle, an orange life vest, a boy-scout uniform and a six-pack of beer. I could even fish with bits of tissue as bait.

Why did my wife look at me funny when I told her this? Must be a girl thing.

41 comments:

  1. As a remotely qualified Native American I take absolutely no offense at the cool canoe story.

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  2. just one more time... tell us what kind of people go into pathology and tell us which kind you are?

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  3. That's a funny one Chief Diamond Phillips! I hope everyone sees the humor that I do, but you know there's always that one that will find it offensive/repulsive. What would you call it: Necrocanoeing, carcassoeing, conoecass? I like the last one.

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  4. The peolple who go into pathology fall under one (or more) of "The Five F's". I'll let the readers guess what these are.

    I'm number 3.

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  5. Canoecass is pretty good. Too bad you would be 'dead in the water'. HahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAAAA!!!!!

    Stupid joke.

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  6. You'd just be floating around out there kind of lifeless...

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  7. Peter - I have some popcicles in the basement. Strawberry, Raspberry . . .

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  8. Mine are in the cellar. Why don't ya come on down the cellar and we can have some popcicles...

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  9. Peter - sorry, I'm goofy, you know that. Couldn't quite get the quote right. I love "canoecass", though. Etotheipi - you are something else and where have you been by the way? Wife O' Cat

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  10. E- very creepy

    You know some dork is going to be reading this blog, and totally freak thinking that blogdom has its first sereal killer blogger.

    So why did ya have to clean out the body tongue to anus? Did you really take out the rectum? Why? Was it all tissue donation? Or something more sinister?

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  11. Sorry for the spelling. On my first try I spelled it cereal. As you can see cereal is still on my mind. How bout serial? Anyone want some serial?

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  12. Eto, do you ever put the sawed off rib cages over the corpes face? If done right it looks just like that early scene from "Alien".

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  13. Killing cereal is a hobby of mine. Cap't Crunch is an evil bastard and don't get me started on that fucking Quisp dude...

    Sorry. I've been working hard(ish) lately and neglecting the blog. Probably not healthy.

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  14. Amy:
    Yes. Took it all out. Gotta look at it all. Dead colons full off doodie are gross.

    Frank:
    Thanks for the idea!

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  15. You might have to plug up the rectum and varnish the outsides, but I am only guessing, since I have not done this, yet.

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  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  17. If you told me that I would look at you funny too. Must be a boything...lol.

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  18. OK so I just came across this blog yesterday for the first time and decided to bookmark it. I am a 30y/o 'girl' and pre-med and I think that is just about the coolest thing I have ever heard! LOL.. I can't wait for med school and gross anatomy! After that post I think I'm hooked on this blog!

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  19. dear 30 and premed.
    God bless and good luck. in all honesty, did you consider being a PA? it's a helluva road you are about to start on and i personally would still do it again but i am quitting this mid career for reasons you can discern in any number of previous posts. if you will not be satisfied unless you get that MD then go for it. if you want time and family, consider PA school. the way things are going and at the rate we are losing docs they may even start up an apprentice track for PAs to get their equivalent MD.
    best.

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  20. Etoh, I've been away for a while, it's good to see you still know how to woo a girl.

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  21. wasn't there some cheap ass cologne called 'canoe' that had a jingle that went, 'canoe, canoe?'

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  22. Ummm......yeah.....ok.

    ~backs away from the blog slowly~

    ;)

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  23. dear evil lunch lady,

    you are wise. come back soon though.

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  24. Speaking of Etotheipi and how much chicks dig him...he got bitch-slapped by a young lady in a bar at 911DOC's wedding. I told my 9-year old son the story...he brings it up every time I speak of Etotheipi. He has a 'special' way with the ladies for sure. The canoe story will certainly only help the situation.

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  25. It puts the lotion on the skin or it gets the hose again.

    =

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  26. Here's a funny story for you all after reading some of the recent posts - "Doctors give 50% of income back to Washington after President Obama takes office".

    Ha!

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  27. here's an even funnier story! two ER docs on one little blog quit emergency medicine based on policies no nearly as intrusive as obamas, and after obama wins lots more do, then a whole bunch of people die going to the minute clinics but no one can sue them like they sue us because they are not doctors but nurse practitioners. haha. that makes me laugh on the inside.

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  28. -Now it places the lotion in the basket.
    -Please! Please I wanna go home! I wanna go home please!
    -It places the lotion in the basket.
    -I wanna see my mommy! Please I wanna see my...
    -Put the fucking lotion in the basket!

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  29. Get the hell out of Iraq and we can cover everyone with universal coverage and you won't have to worry about it. Sorry doctors are leaving medicine. Should we pay you more?

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  30. That's the kind of response that clears everything up. :-)

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  31. Ahh, exactly! Want to hear something even funnier?

    Come the first Tuesday in November, the 'HAVES' are going to be helping out the 'HAVE NOTS' more than ever. And, it will be a beautiful day. Get your checkbooks out 'people'.

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  32. Soon enough I will be a have not, so show me the money. Workin' less and gettin' mo. The American dream.

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  33. "There once was a man from Peru, who fell asleep in his Canoe...darn I can't remember the rest.

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  34. Whenever I open a rib cage, I have an uncontrollable craving for barbecue ribs...it's a strange reflex that I can't control. CT surg has gone out the window as a career option.

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  35. Bostonian in NY,

    As long as you don't let them marinate for too long, you should be OK in CT surgery, but you may need to exercise more and mark parts of the patient as "Not Food."

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  36. 911 Doc,,,

    Believe it or not I started a year ago as a nursing student just trying to earn my pre-reqs,,,, then I changed over to PA major.. yada yada yada,, now i'm pre-med I have just finished my AA in less than a year and am so totally in love with what I am doing that PA school is a back up at this point..there are alot more obstacles in my way, but I am starting my first ever blog tonight that will explain all of that. PA is great but it's just not the MD... I never want to regret not trying... make any sense?

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  37. ....then he woke up one day,
    and his organs had gone away,
    and were served at ipi's bar-b-que.


    I'm sorry I missed the bitch slapping, I'm sure she was overly sensitive or hormonal.

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  38. 30andpremed,
    God bless you. you will be a great doc. you have found your calling. it will be all consuming for a while and if you desire family or have family already, and this is my only request, be aware that you will be married to this profession more than you can possibly imagine and that the demands will be more than you can imagine. the rewards? well, they're there, but choose your specialty well and with wide open eyes. surgery and kids is hard. ER and kids? doable. path? well etotheipi does it so it can't be that hard.

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  39. 911doc..

    Thanks for the advice and the well wishes... I just posted my first blog...considering it's my first one ever any advice on that would be appreciated.

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  40. "Get the hell out of Iraq and we can cover everyone with universal coverage and you won't have to worry about it. Sorry doctors are leaving medicine. Should we pay you more?"

    good idea! just like somalia!! i think we should leave too, after we turn the desert into glass and burn every last one of those motherfucking jihadists to a crisp (except the women and children of course... see harvey korman post below).

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  41. Universal Healthcare is the shit! We need it!

    Oh wait. Nevermind.

    Healthcare isn't a right, so pay fo yo shit, homeslices.

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