Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The MDOD Navel-Gazing Quiz (part 1 in which 911doc responds)

911doc. Boarded in Emergency Medicine. Gemini.

1. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist or Democratic Party? No, though I was almost converted in college, finally fell in with my peeps in med school.

2. Aside from scoring tons of chicks (or dudes if you are into that), why did you go into medicine? Because I thought it was one of the few profession where I could make good money whilst doing good.

3. If you had a magic wand, what would you change in medicine (and NO, you can't use it on your own penis / vagina)? I would make every patient pay, every time, a reasonable fee for their care (and an option for payment would be volunteer time in the ER to get an idea about what 'sick' really is and what the ER is for).

4. Summarize the meaning of life in Haiku form.

America was
Opportunity enshrined
"Diversity" shit

5. Name one book, one movie and one piece of art you would immortalize and one of each that you would destroy permanently.

Enshrine: The Lord of the Rings. Saving Private Ryan (I don't think it's the best movie ever made but is clearly a very spot-on depiction of Normandy and the actual sacrifice made by our country's military to free the world. I'm just afraid that ten years from now the chapter on WWII in our standard seventh-grade History text is going to talk more about the Peace Corps (yes, it was created much later than WWII) than the Marine Corps (yes, I know, the Army and the Army Rangers landed at Normandy... artistic license and all). David.
Destroy: Chicken Soup for the Soul (the title by itself produces a sensation more irritating than waterboarding, and can you imagine the pomposity of someone putting that title on a book they wrote?). American Beauty (get over yourself). The song, Imagine (have you ever thought about the mindset behind the lyrics? Cute but a little naive... for a seven year-old).

6. If you lost your job tomorrow and could not get any job related to medicine, what would you do? I would start an escort service.

7. If you could, one time only, travel back in time, would you do it and what choices would you make differently? If "yes", then, are you insane? Have you SEEN "The Butterfly Effect" with Aston Kutcher? I would not do it, unless it was to get that three way.

8. Do you play and instrument? Are you good? (Answering: "Yes, the skin flute, and I'm great!", is not acceptable). Yes, guitar. I suck.

9. What is the biggest mistake you have made professionally? Missing a meningitis case... the dude had been assaulted to the head with a bottle and had neck pain. Homeless guy. No fever. Dead three days later, meningococcus.

10. How would you kill yourself if you were forced to move to France? Gun (American).

11. Worst part of your job? Best part? Worst: Entitled, crazy-asshole patients, and crazy moms who want their kids to be sick ( and axis II patients of course but this is merely a larger category into which the first two categories of patients fit quite nicely). Best: Getting so involved with a case that I lose track of time... getting to work with great medics and nurses in a tough case and getting in the zone.

12. How certain are you that God does / does not exist? Give percentages. 60/40 "Lord I believe, help my unbelief".

Etotheipi came up with these questions and he's next. Fire away assholes! And you, douchebag I used to work with who campaigned to turn this country into a socialist nanny-state. You are a douche... Uh, wait a minute.... *likely to climb high in socialist circles he is*... Uh, I mean, you are awesome! (Thanks Yoda).


  1. Ginger or Mary Ann?
    Electric Chair or Firing Squad?
    Favorite Stooge?
    Most Visited Spank Bank Site?

  2. Mary Ann
    Firing Squad
    Hebrew National

  3. Have the things you've seen at work influenced your faith to any large degree?

    Favorite Centerfire Rifle?

    Favorite Handgun?

  4. dear ruby ridge...
    1. faith and work. yes and no. i HAVE had spiritual experiences at work but they are few and far between. but i have seen enough to edge me towards the eternal. without expanding this to a huge tome i do not buy that the being that was talking to me upon arrival and dies in front of me (a mercifully rare event) is 'gone'. their presence, their soul, lives on. that's all for now.
    2 and 3... i don't know enough about guns to have a favorite here but i do own a few. i hope i never have to use them but i damn sure would.

  5. Frank? Hebrew National. You are good, dude. Think that one must've whizzed right by Frank or he would have mentioned it.

  6. dear anonymous,
    i think frank just thought it wasn't funny. frank?

  7. considering some of your clientale, could you not just run the escort service on the side.. from your posts sounds like you have ample applicants, both customer and employee. Best of both worlds and a little cash on the side.

  8. "The song, Imagine (have you ever thought about the mindset behind the lyrics? Cute but a little naive... for a seven year-old)."

    There's a cover done by a group called 'A Perfect Circle', which is usually a kind of screamy-yelly-RARGHGH kind of band. They did in a toned down, yet scary, eerie way that makes you shiver, and is how I believe the song is meant to be heard. Y'know, in a way that gives one the CREEPS. "I hope someday you'll join us..." makes me want to RUN. AWAY. QUICKLY.

  9. the point of the Q+A is to get the other contributors (including me) re-involved with the blog.

    In response to Frank:
    Firing Squad
    Sean Penn

  10. 1. Never. Better dead than red.
    2. Uuuum, I forget.
    3. No more direct-to-consumer drug advertising.
    4. Sorry, if it's not sushi, I don't do Japanese.
    5. Enshrine - "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," "We were Soldiers," Nike of Samothrace. Destroy - "Vagina Monologues," "The Golden Compass," anything by Salvador Dali.
    6. Hunting guide, or open a gun shop.
    7. I'd do it for another 3 way.
    8. No musical talent whatsoever.
    9. Missing a suicidal patient. She lied to my face and then offed herself 3 days later.
    10. Swan dive from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
    11. Dealing with other docs who are assholes. Not all of them, mostly surgeons.
    12. 100% And She's Black.

  11. 911:

    Off topic. Wanted to see if you know Gould (if you do, you'll know what I am talking about)?

  12. 1: Never
    2: Lost a bet with God
    3: Clipboard Gestapo, JCAHO, enact Tort Reform
    4: Pass
    5: Enshrine: Aristotle and Twain all of it
    ---Destroy: Dionetics
    6: Pilot
    7: Nope, wouldn't want to relive it but don't want to change it.
    8: No talent
    9: Missed a bleed
    10: Propofol
    11: Worst: Morons, staff and patients included.
    ----Best: I love what I do, not everyone can say the same about their jobs.
    12: 80/20, and we are going to have some words when we meet. Fucker has a lot of explaining to do.