Monday, May 18, 2009

MDOD Navel Gazing: Episode II: Etothepi Strikes Back

I put together this little Q+A with the goal of re-introducing the MDOD contributors and, hopefully, get the gang back into posting on the blog. My absence has been due to electroconvulsive therapy for CMS*.

Name/Specialty: Etothepi, Pathology Boarded. Star Sign: Cancer (ironic?)

1. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist or Democratic Party?
I went to college at an institution that makes West Point look like UC Berkeley. I was forever cured of leftist politics.

2. Aside from scoring tons of chicks (or dudes if you are into that), why did you go into medicine?
To paraphrase 'Dre: Glocks, Blunts and Ho's. Also I like science and a professorship sounded extremely unappealing. I don't like people that much so pathology called.

3. If you had a magic wand, what would you change in medicine (and NO, you can't use it on your own penis / vagina)?
I would make everyone stop being sick. Dumbass.
Or: I would wave my wand and make the VA system provide free lifelong care to anyone who walked through the door and concurrently allow all other hospitals to function within a minimally regulated free market. If you want quality, pay for it, bitch.

4. Summarize the meaning of life in Haiku form.
That soup sure is hot /
Probably should not stir it /
With my erection.

5. Name one book, one movie and one piece of art you would immortalize and one of each that you would destroy permanently.
book - Novel: The Crying of Lot 49 (Pynchon); Graphic Novel: Watchmen (Moore); Non-fiction: The Emperor's New Mind (Penrose); Medical: Rosai's Surgical Pathology; Porn: Hustler (circa 1979).
movie - Empire and Fight Club.
art: Rodin's Gates of Hell. (or was that Motley Crue?)
book - I would gather every copy of the entire Harry Potter and Twilight series and burn them in a massive pile in front of every 13 year old girl in America then laugh in the orange glow of the smouldering embers.
movie - Any movie with Andie MacDowell in it. Whenever she walks on screen I am reminded of the pointlessness and cruelty of the universe.
art - Any contemporary painting / sculpture / building where the creative impulse of the artist is clearly wildly unmatched by his level of skill.

6. If you lost your job tomorrow and could not get any job related to medicine, what would you do?
Finance or Math teacher, depending on whether I wanted to be rich or poor.

7. If you could, one time only, travel back in time, would you do it and what choices would you make differently? If "yes", then, are you insane? Have you SEEN "The Butterfly Effect" with Aston Kutcher?
Like Edith Piaf, I regret nothing.

8. Do you play and instrument? Are you good? (Answering: "Yes, the skin flute, and I'm great!", is not acceptable).
Bass guitar. I suck ass. I used to be in a band in high school that was composed of three talented musicians and me - hence, bass guitar.

9. What is the biggest mistake you have made professionally?
Missed a desmoplastic melanoma. Guy died within two years. I still feel bad.

10. How would you kill yourself if you were forced to move to France?
I would put on a beret, a blue and white horizontally striped shirt and smoke a Gitanes in the middle of the Champs-Elyse and throw myself under a tank during the Bastille Day parade.

11. Worst part of your job? Best part?
Worst: Pap smears. Beyond boring. Except for the fact that it is fun to mutter "slut" whenever you see sperm.
Best: Making a life changing diagnosis.

12. How certain are you that God does / does not exist? Give percentages.
1%/99%. Hope I'm wrong.

*Chronic Masturbation Syndrome (see DSM4 for details)


  1. "I would gather every copy of the entire Harry Potter and Twilight series and burn them in a massive pile in front of every 13 year old girl in America then laugh in the orange glow of the smouldering embers."

    Hahahaha! :)

  2. That haiku has got to be the best one I have ever read. You are awesome!

  3. oohhhh I saw Watchmen and I liked it. Rorschach was my favorite. He had all the best lines too. Was dissappointed with the giant blue dong...for being computer enhanced it just wasn't all that impressive...

  4. damn dude,
    did you spend your entire childhood under the sink chained to the pipes? how can you not like harry potter? i know you don't want to ever be accused of liking something that the unwashed like but if i'm not mistaken i know what your favorite movie is and, well, it don't fit.

    regarding the afterlife i had a very interesting conversation with a cardiologist a few nights ago who has taken care of ''tons'' of patients who have watched themselves from above as they were resuscitated, usually from inside the cath lab, ER, or elevator on the way to the cath lab, who all tell the same story. and no, i'm not making this up... they are all disembodied, all look down on their body and realize that they are dead, and at the moment the shock is delivered or their brain repurfused, they go 'whooosh' back inside their bodies. not proof of anything by any means but i was very interested to hear this from this very experienced interventionalist.

  5. How can you not like Twilight AND Andie MacDowell??? So I guess you don't like "Groundhog Day" either...and Why are you jerking off onto Pap Smears???
    You're my candidate for "Most Likely MDOD member to be a fictional character out of 9-11's perverted imagination"...

  6. Trust me Frank, E is real, very real. As for the afterlife E, you better hope you are right, not wrong, cuz if you are.....

  7. Just a quick note on how great our health care system is...

    On Sunday the 3rd, my dad's heart was doing 280 bpm (never a problem before.) Today he had his EP test and got a defibrillator. He's 63. No waiting no rationing of care, and he's going back to work on Friday. He's be waiting to die in a lot of other countries. I am thankful for timely service and the availability of care.

  8. Eto etc.,
    I was with you until you were stirring soup and Andie.

    I really hate to endorse a Drackman comment buuut, Andie MacDowell is downright beautiful and appears smart to boot. In Groundhog Day she is perfect, also in Robert Altman's Short Cuts.

  9. I think he meant he likes her so much that she's painful to watch, since she isn't his, that we know of.

  10. Can someone refill oldfart's provigil so he can complete this survey ?

  11. Doesn't the God thing scare you a bit? I'm not entirely sure what I believe but I do know that the reason I am not freaking out about all the medical crap going on constantly with me is that I have faith that someone has my back in the end.

    Then again, sometimes I feel like I use faith as a crutch, almost like a placebo pill where I want it to work so badly that I convince myself it does. Which doesn't sound like true faith and that would probably send me straight to hell...if I believed hell existed.

  12. My husband hates Andie McDowell...he calls her Rodney McDowell...

  13. Did you go to Hillsdale College? That's the only place I can think of undergrad wise.

    Also Imprimis is something I wish everyone read.

  14. Radioactive Girl!! There is a God... I realize that every day when I see my Daughter's ........ Hot Friends...OK, that was creepy even by my standards....
    Amy, 2 possibilities...
    1: Your Husband's gay
    2: He's not gay, just being tactful in not disclosing the contents of his spank bank...I do the same thing with my wife... yep, that Milla Jovovich isn't attractive at all...too skinny


  15. Ha! Fiance says "at least they're reading" when I threaten to rip the twilight books out of my coworkers hands. They went to nursing school, they can read books with chapters designed for grownups. It's bad enough the 13 year olds are reading them...

  16. Bill Murray is so good that Andie MacDowell's presence in Groundhog Day was negated.

    I'm not even remotely kidding about Harry Potter and Twilight. If I see another 40 year old reading one of these books I will puke my balls out of my mouth.

    As to the afterlife and near death experiences: I don't buy it, but I could be wrong. Believe me, I would rather be floating around on a cloud being serviced by 72 virgins than in the endless abyss of permanent night.

    I can't accept things on "faith" - that, to me, is unacceptable.

  17. S cat: awaiting your survey answers...

  18. You are so damn funny! Post more!!!

    PS: I walked into the dead ER (as in no patients!) last night. One of the doctor's was reading Twilight. Gag.

  19. dear eto',

    i am in complete agreement with you but you and i have different definitions of 'faith'. i think you mean believing in contradiction to definitive evidence. i don't mean that, i mean believing in spite of emotional and 'conventional wisdom' to the contrary. with my definition of 'faith' there is not a person on the planet that does not have faith in something... love, technology, science, etc... out. BAM!

  20. Only Vulcan Science is logical and worth having faith in. Your weak Earthling Science deserves no faith, one day Pluto's the 9th Planet, the next its merely a "Kuiper Belt Object"... in DSM 2 Homosexuality's a disease, now its a lifestyle source. Only Vulcan Science is eternal, the Heat of Fusion of Thorium 90 is 13.81 Kilojoules/mole despite changing societal norms. That gives me comfort,
    Live Long and Prosper,


  21. Frank must have just seen the new Star bout those spock ears Frankie?

  22. How can you not like Harry Potter? For reals.

  23. My bad, I couldn't see how anyone could hate Andie MacDowell with her cute squinty little eyes.