Thursday, February 04, 2010

Profiling... No, not Here Thanks!

Let's just drop the idea of profiling potential terrorists. As efficient and effective as it would be, we have a better idea...

First, people who read Mother Jones magazine and get their ideas from Oprah and the View have an instinctive love for the "religion of peace" (as long as they are not forced to participate in it), and will scream if profiling were to be implemented, but secondly, well, we can't have men scanning airport crowds for big-breasted women can we? I mean, really, don't they want to do that already? And for this they must be punished.

This new tactic is worrisome to be sure. Tom Daschle is, no doubt, 'concerned', but I believe between Dr. Drackman, the other MDOD docs, and me, we can, with near 100% sensitivity, find the exploding boobs prior to their embarkation on aircraft. And, heaven forbid, if we are killed in the line of duty, then that's just the way the boob bounces. What a way to go. What's that sir? Your wife is descended from the Jamestown settlers? Let's see how her boobs feel compared with those of the plebeian class. Nice, and bully for you. Keep her on that stairmaster and don't take any lip off of her (unless it involves money from her daddy of course).

We will do it for our country, no need to thank us. Also, since we only have two hands a piece, and may be seen as threatening to examinees, we will be looking for professional, attractive, and perky young women to do supervised exams at our specific direction. We will also produce a variety of training films demonstrating proper technique of the 'exploding boob rule-out' exam with handcuffs, without, with blindfolds, without, and as a 'tag team cage-match' WWE type extravaganza (available for download or purchase through "Vixen" productions) to fund the program.

America, we are here... (We are not, however, currently available for detection of the exploding penis-bombers, and will leave that for those that may be interested in looking at a lot of strange penises, maybe the viewers of MSNBC?).


  1. I say we let all the folks in favor of allowing gays in the military do the crotch checking-although most of them are probably viewers of MSNBC.

  2. Sooo, basically a Breast Stroke relay?

  3. Does this mean we're going to get a feel-up before boarding the plane? Dammit, I expect dinner and drinks first!

  4. Last Tuesday, Directors of the CIA, FBI and National Intelligence declared that an attack by Al Qaeda in the next 3 to 6 months “is certain!” Leon Panetta, CIA Director announced, “The biggest threat is not so much that we face an attack like 9/11. It is that Al Qaeda is adapting its methods in ways that oftentimes make it difficult to detect.”
    Panetta’s statement does not take into account the ability to identify any terrorist whose goal it is to give up their life for a cause. Only when you are observing measurable emerging aggression can you identify a terrorist before they effect their violence.

    The Center for Aggression Management discovered 15 years ago that there were two kinds of aggression: adrenaline-driven Primal Aggression and intent-driven Cognitive Aggression. The Primal Aggressor, in the extreme, is “red-faced and ready to explode,” the Cognitive Aggressor (the terrorist) is not. When a person, regardless of the culture, gender, education or position, rises to the level where their goal is to give up their life for a cause, their body looses animation and we see the “thousand-yard stare.” But it is more than this, the whole body and behavior looses animation and this is how we can identify them. The problem is that security and law enforcement are still looking for the Primal Aggressor (red-faced and ready to explode). Of course they are finding it difficult to detect these terrorist; a terrorist is a Cognitive Aggression; they are looking for the wrong person!
    You can

  5. Dude, check out that cougar. She has some killer t*ts

  6. LOL..thanks for the post...oh yeah, and the pic!