Friday, May 22, 2009

Part IV, ER85 Contributes

Name: ERDOC85

1. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist or Democratic Party?

Sadly, Yes. In college, I entered the Democrat/Socialist Party caucus as a delegate for Gary Hart. Shortly after this, his "Monkey Business" was discovered (congrats to those who get this reference) and he was gone. After a few short weeks of college, I gained some knowledge and have never been tempted by the dark side again.

2. Aside from scoring tons of chicks (or dudes if you are into that), why did you go into medicine?

There were no liberals in my family, so I thought medicine was a noble profession. I thought I could help people, make a good living, and be a respected member of my community. Little did I know that I was truly evil deep down, and that I actually had nefarious motives.

3. If you had a magic wand, what would you change in medicine (and NO, you can't use it on your own penis / vagina)?

I would make a very large bonfire using the rules and regulation manuals from Medicare and Medicaid. Then, I would take the JCAHO representatives, Clipboard-Carrying-High-Heeled-Can't-Start-an-IV-Nurses, and Layers of Hospital Administrators and stack them on top like cord wood.

4. Summarize the meaning of life in Haiku form.

The Meaning of Life
A Monty Python Classic
Just Made a Haiku

(I HATE these things...before I saw the "meaning of life" part, I just thought the assignment was just to write a Haiku, so I created this one:)

The dress it was blue
Lewinski with beret blew
The President's goo

5. Name one book, one movie and one piece of art you would immortalize and one of each that you would destroy permanently.


Book: Undaunted Courage (Stephen Ambrose)
Movie: Monty Python & the Holy Grail (My Cousin Vinny gets honorable mention)
Art: Texas Spring (Robert Wood) - It's a Texas thing...most of you wouldn't understand

Destroy Permantly:

Book: It Takes a Village (Ghost Written for Hillary Clinton)
Movie: The Godfather (all versions) - how can ANYONE stand hours of that goombah speak?
"Art": Velvet Elvis (actually anything painted on velvet)

6. If you lost your job tomorrow and could not get any job related to medicine, what would you do?

Heavy equipment operator! Driving around in one of those big diesel powered bull dozer things. Trading income for testosterone surges!

7. If you could, one time only, travel back in time, would you do it and what choices would you make differently?

Sure. I'd travel to Gettysburg July 3, 1863 to find General Robert E. Lee. I would advise him that he needed to change the angle of his cannonade since he would be firing over the largest concentration of the Union troops on Cemetary Ridge. If he'd only lower his angle of attack, there is a good chance that 146 years later at least 13 states could be living up to the ideals of the founding fathers.

8. Do you play an instrument? Are you good? (Answering: "Yes, the skin flute, and I'm great!", is not acceptable).

Yes: I play the piano (and I suck); I play the Jigsaw (and I'm fair); I play the Dremel Tool (and I'm pretty good); and I play the TV remote (and I'm awesome)

9. What is the biggest mistake you have made professionally?

Trusting and working for a friend (make that a former-friend).

10. How would you kill yourself if you were forced to move to France?

I would start a rumor about the newest fashion craze sweeping the nation. A procedure that every chic French woman is having done. Then, I'd stand outside of my fashionable "Armpit and Leg Hair Brading Bodega" and get trampled to death.

11. Worst/Best part of your job?

Worst: Non-MD's dictating patient care decisions and second-guessing complex decisions without the background or experience. (Patients with their I-MD degrees [Internet-MD]; Clipboard RN's; Lawyers; Governmental Agencies; Insurance companies; etc, etc). You can't just do your job to the best of your ability, you have to chart, document, and defend everything you do.

Best: Camraderie with the EMS, Nursing, & Support staff. I started to put "appreciative patients" like Cat, but then I realized that I didn't know what that meant. I also started to write "saving lives" but then I remembered that I am an Emergency Physician. I rarely get to save lives. These days I specialize in sunburn, sore throats, sprained ankles, insomnia, illegal aliens, pregnancy, vaginal discharge, and eye boogers.

12. How certain are you that God does / does not exist? Give percentages. 100%/0% I need only look out my window to be certain that the world around me did not occur by accident.


  1. Hey E and 911, remember my velvet Elvis? I loved that painting. Had it over the fireplace. Ah the good ole' days.
    I agree with the book destroy. It takes a mom and dad, not a village.

  2. "Sure. I'd travel to Gettysburg July 3, 1863 to find General Robert E. Lee. I would advise him that he needed to change the angle of his cannonade since he would be firing over the largest concentration of the Union troops on Cemetary Ridge. If he'd only lower his angle of attack, there is a good chance that 146 years later at least 13 states could be living up to the ideals of the founding fathers."

    Ahh yes the good old days.....Slavery.

  3. Yeah, anon. That's right. The Civil War was fought over slavery and that's all. (I think I just pulled an ocular muscle rolling my eyes).

    I try to educate the educable, but I no longer waste my time on the chronically stupid.

  4. Ah yes you were about to go on with your poppycock argument that the civil war was all about states rights correct? Let's just forget the main "right" the south was talking about was the "right" to keep slaves. Spare me your revisionist ideas of history. What's the encore? The gas chambers didn't exist in 1943?

  5. You seem to like the simple answers that you were taught in Junior High. But at the risk of challenging you to think, I'll go out on a limb......I know I'll regret it.

    As a matter of fact, the Civil War WAS about the South's beliefs that upon joining the Union, they did not relinquish their right to self-government. It was even this belief that led them to believe that they had the right to secede from the Union.

    According to the 10th Amendment, all powers not expressly delegated to the United States by the Constitution were left to the individual States (I paraphrase). Though interpretations varied widely, it is of note that James Madison (Federalist #10,32, & 45) & Thomas Jefferson, the two founding fathers with arguably the greatest contributions to the documents on which our Republic are based both argued for a weaker Federal Government and Stronger State's Rights.

    The Confederate Constitution expressly emphasized the rights of the sovereign & independent states. So, to say that the war was not fought over State's Rights ignores the basic history.

    Now, that is obvious that the major state's right being fought over WAS slavery. But to say that the war was fought over slavery is very simplistic and ignores the economic and sectionalism issues that caused great anxiety and hostility between the sides.

    To other issues....

    Speaking of revisionist history. So, I guess the North was pure in this whole conflict? No one seems to mention that a few decades earlier the North also participated in slavery (in fact New Jersey didn't abolish it until 1865). As the Northern economy became more industrial, the economic "need" for an enslaved labor force died away. This had not yet happened in the South.

    Also, one tires of hearing how the "moral North" rode into the South to rescue the slaves. Fact is that the slavery frictions were over the expansion of slavery into new territories and the sectionalism fears of the South as they feared a greater loss of political representation.

    The war began with an attack on Union troops in 1861. The first two years of the war dealt with revenge for the attack and attempts to reclaim the lost territories. The Emancipation Proclamation wasn't signed until 1863, and though I believe it had a genuine moral purpose, it was also a calculated political move to demoralize the South.

    Let's also not take the argument so far as to say that the North wished to free the slaves and provide equal rights to blacks. The majority of the North may have seen slavery as unnecessary and evil, but most did not consider blacks equal to whites. We won't even go into Abraham Lincoln's comments here.

    So, we may all interpret history differently, but let's be careful when we simplify it.

    And before you try to put words in my mouth, I am not in any way supporting, affirming, glorifying, or condoning, slavery. It was a vile, evil thing which existed in the past of America (both North and South).

    My desire to have seen the CSA succeed would be to see a Union with a weak central government and stronger state governments as I believe the US Constitution's framers intended.

    P.S. Of course gas chambers existed in Nazi Germany from the late 1930's until 1945. That has nothing to do with this discussion.

  6. Love your answers. Especially to #7. I think had the Civil War not erupted, slavery would have ended, ultimately, with mechanization of agriculture.

  7. Thanks!

    I agree completely Peggy. I think it's demise was inevitable.